28.8.13

I don't wanna say so long

Dammit I'm sure gonna miss this. And yes I listen to that song every time I feel like a horrible lump of mess because...well because every day's supposed to be darn beautiful.

Sayonara :')

It's a beautiful day...

Since practicum life started, I have become practically a frog. Under a coconut shell. I come home at about 7pm everyday and at night I have to do lesson plans and prepare for teaching the next day. I don't even have time to do things that make myself happy. Sometimes, when I'm just too tired to bother, I completely ignore lesson plans and go to class like a boss. I simply make up lessons along the way, go to class and teach, and write lesson plans later ha ha.

I have deactivated my Facebook account for some reasons. Mainly because I don't see the relevance of it anymore now that there's Twitter and Google+ and Whatsapp and LINE (yes I have an Android smartphone now, finally). I think, although this blog has served as my very loyal listener all this while, I want to delete this blog as well. I have run out of useful things to write about. Plus all the things I write about don't even benefit anybody but myself, might as well just write down a journal (dang I forgot to update my reflective journal for practicum).

So before we say goodbye, I dedicate this song to everybody. Enjoy!

30.7.13

Worrywart


Trying out digital drawing and colouring.
Apparently, without a wacom tablet, it's such a burdensome task.
I wish I could afford one.

First day of real teaching was tiring. 
But it should have been fun if I could stop blaming myself
for my incompetency and lack of skills.
In the end, everything needs more and more practice.
Nothing comes to you like rain.


Even rain is scarce nowadays

28.7.13

White lie

I've not been inspired lately. I can only manage to finish this drawing and I was only trying out a different kind of drawing style. The rest of them are left as sketches. I can't even finish writing my short stories. All of them are left as drafts. As much as I don't want to blame practicum, I guess it really does have an effect on me. Other than that I'm just being almighty lazy.

One of my students saw my drawing in my planner and asked me why I didn't become a cikgu seni instead, and it left me fumbling for answers. The problem is that firstly, I don't want to be a teacher. Secondly, I'm not really an expert artist to be teaching art to other people. 

In the end I just told them I have more passion in English rather than art - which is obviously a lie; I have passion in both, it's just that I dislike teaching. For now.

27.7.13

Teacher


I can't believe I'm teaching English to nearly 40 students in a single classroom now.
And I have 3 classes to teach, you total that.
I used to be the quietest (almost) student in class. 

I need your prayers and a bundle of luck and patience.

17.7.13

Jar of Secrets #1

She was folding strips of colourful papers on her desk. She was doing it attentively, one by one, slowly. The results were a jar of colourful mini star-shaped origami. The jar was only half full and she was still folding more. 

Mars walked into the room and glanced at the girl with interest. 

"What are you doing?" he asked.

"I'm folding stars." she replied. The girl; her name was Luna.

"Is it for someone?" he continued. She shook her head slowly, eyes fixed on the red coloured paper.

"It's mine."

Mars pulled a chair and sat next to her at the table.

"Can I help?” he asked earnestly. His eyes sparkled as he flashed a little smile.

No. If you want to you need to find another jar.” She said simply. She was too immersed in her work that her tone sounded quite severe and unkindly. Fortunately, he was not taken aback.

Why? I just want to help you.

You don’t understand,” she sighed. “You have to know what I feel if you want to help me fold my little secrets.

Mars understood now. She was making a jar of secrets. HER jar of secrets. The little stars represent everything that she felt; her stories, her laughter and her sadness, the part of her that she does not tell anybody. All the colours should represent different things.

What does red stand for?” he asked.

Her stare penetrated through the red strip that she was folding in her hands as she answered “Complicated heart things.

2.7.13

Strength discovery


Puas hati aku. Dah berapa lama pendam impian nak hiking. Sebab kononnya bayangan hiking dalam kepala ialah jalan-jalan dalam hutan panjat bukit jalan tak curam sangat tak landai sangat. Sekali hambik kau. Dah rasa macam Lara Croft dalam Tomb Raider Reborn. Aku salute betul wanita yang selalu pergi hiking panjat gunung tinggi-tinggi. Ni baru Bukit Tabur dah muntah hijau segala, belum Gunung Nuang ke apa ke. 

Nasib baik lah dua orang tukang bawak sangat penyabar dan bertanggungjawab. Layan segala bebelan rungutan keluh kesah aku sepanjang berapa kilometer perjalanan naik turun puncak tertinggi. Bila aku nampak letih sikit diorang push aku bagi kata-kata semangat (tak lupa juga psycho aku dengan segala macam cara). Tapi itulah gunanya teamwork, kan? Yang kuat bantu yang lemah, yang lemah cuba untuk jadi kuat. Dah tentulah aku bukan yang lemah tu wahaha. Aku kuat okay. Tak caya tanya diorang :p

Tapi kasihan mereka sebab kalau aku takde mesti sekelip mata dah naik turun balik dah hahaha.

Aku takkan tolak kalau ada orang nak ajak aku pergi hiking lagi (muntah hijau pun aku tak peduli hahaha). 

Tapi kalau boleh, jommaaaa main paintball!

26.6.13

Birthday Boss


25 June 2013.

The week has been depressing enough, she thought. Enough of the mourning, it's a special day today. The tin can that she spent a few days lovingly redecorating, patiently waiting for the paint to dry, was already finished. It wasn't perfect. The paint job was smudged here and there, but it was pretty enough. Somehow, she felt that the tin can - which used to contain delicious Danish cookies once - portrayed herself in a way.

The haze was thick outside. The IPU reading earlier that day in the news said that the area was in the dangerous level. School was closed. Not a lot of people can be seen on the streets. She, on the other hand, was getting ready to go out. Before she exited the house, she remembered to put on a face mask. Together with her younger sister, they walked to a hypermarket just across the area. It was freakishly warm it wasn't even funny. Everything within the eyesight was yellow and, obviously, hazy. Along the way, there was a house under renovation. 

"They're still working under this condition?" remarked the younger sister. She commented nothing and they walked along.

Because of the mask, she was sweating tremendously. Breathing became quite restricted not only by the haze but by the mask too. Walking felt like jogging. Luckily, the hypermarket was air-conditioned. After buying packets of chocolates and pistachios, they dropped by Secret Recipe to buy three slices of cake. The journey home wasn't any better.

Within the comfort of home at last, she got busy making a special bunting and arranging the goodies into the tin can. She helped her little sisters make cards and decorations for the cake. She made cut-out mustaches just for the fun of it. It was a special day after all.

And after all was finished, they waited patiently for the person to come home. She was the most anxious of all. This surprise party wasn't at all planned. She had just suddenly decided earlier that morning that she wanted to make this person happy on this special day. And it was all because of her own gloominess surrounding her lately.

At 6, the door opened and she could almost feel her heart burst. She was anxious. Was he going to like it? She walked around the house aimlessly, pretending to feel completely normal. Until he smiled and looked at her bunting with an expression of absolute content. 

She couldn't hold back the wonderful feeling swelling up inside her. She laughed happily and sang the birthday song loudly with her little sisters and her mother. 

"Happy birthday, Abah." She said with a girlish smile. All of a sudden, she felt like a little girl again. 

This is not a troll face I dunno why I look like this when I'm happy.

22.6.13

Distinct


Sitting in the middle of people, your own voice drowned by the noises they make and the sound of their laughter, and even when you try to speak it didn't matter because they are laughing at you. You're the joke. You're the funny one. And in the end all you can do is smile and join them laughing at yourself, pretending you're amused.

And then you stand up and exit the room, and lock yourself up and convince yourself not to cry. They were just kidding. It's just a joke and it just happens that YOU'RE the joke.

It hurts more when you're in the middle of people and you still feel alone. As if you're existing in another different dimension. You do anything you can and people still try all they can to point out your faults and your flaws. Am I missing something here?

At this point I'm starting to doubt myself. I'm too insecure to handle this. I don't mind not receiving any recognition for the things I did that you people asked me to help when you needed me, but not this. I mean, the money you forgot to pay me, and for my work that you claim to be yours, nah. I can look past that. But trying to make me look like a fool in front of other people? No.

The reason I keep distance from people is because I'm tired of being treated like this. Being the kind of person who can't easily fit in every where she goes is already hard enough. Having people whom you've known since forever making you feel like shit is really just a pile of bullshit indeed. 

I enjoy being alone mostly because I'm used to it. But sometimes I need people too, and at times when I'm anticipating people and they make me feel like this I just wanna die. 

Or can I just be a mermaid?

21.6.13

Fly me

..to the moon and let me play among the stars..


This is Anabelle Luna.
It's a character I made up based on one of my fictional stories I've written.
First I decided she was Laura, but then I thought Luna was better on her character.
She's kind and helpful and sometimes very bubbly.
She loves to read magical fantasy story books.
She also loves classical music.
However, she is very shy around boys. 
Sometimes, she is overly paranoid about what people think about her.
Which makes her seem like she's trying too hard on everything.
But she's actually very simple.
Dislike things that complicate her life. 
Chocolate upsets her stomach.
Has a crush on a musician called Jupiter Altair.

.
.
.
.
.

"Do you know why we can't coexist? It's because I'm just a little moon, while you're the biggest planet in the Solar System."

"It's not my fault you're shining down for another little planet while all I can do is look at you from a planet away."

"What do you mean 'another little planet'? I'm not shining down for another little planet!"

"That was just a metaphor."

"Circling around you would be tiring, anyway."

"I'm the biggest planet in the Solar System, of course it would."

"Then I pity all those moons you have."

"And maybe that's why it's good you're not one of them."



Woaaahhh flash fiction!

17.6.13

kanashimi.


I was about to write up another dramatic aggravated post until I thought, how cliche of myself. Soon you would be able to guess without me telling "This girl must be going through her end-of-semester moments." because yes, I am. 

I can't help myself getting all depressed about things. My grandpa's sick lately, and he's been admitted into the hospital. My parents have been returning to Pahang to visit him for two weekends now. Sadly for me, I've been busy for two weekends with work and stuff and didn't manage to visit him for myself. Things were quite bad, I heard. And that's what I've been doing; hearing things from other people, thanks to Facebook & Twitter and my phone line. 

However, I did some therapeutic things (at least I think they'e therapeutic). I drew stickers, I drew on my little self-made box-table, I drew on one of my plain white t-shirt, I drew in my sketchbook. Basically, drawing heals me. If only I can just draw all the time. I can't because of the loads of assignments I must finish. I realized yesterday, while drawing a large kuroneko on my box-table, that even if the saddest thoughts cross my mind, I feel nothing at all. There was only a swell of bliss inside me that's blocking out all the unhappy thoughts. If only I could just draw all the time!


Someone once said "Your eyes immediately sparkle when you get to draw."


I don't know how dull my eyes look like all the time, but, my eyes hardly lie. 

12.6.13

One set of McFly please.

*!Warning! Fan girl mode all the way*

At some point in this blog I will have to mention McFly because otherwise it will be unfair to them that I talk about FT Island all the time but not them. Well. I am now officially crazy over McFly. 

No they are not fast food they are four gorgeous hunk-a burning love. Lol!

I'm a bit late but who cares nobody cares I don't care I don't need to be an early fan just to like their music, aye? I have to admit I fell in love with them from their song Love Is Easy and I just thought "Oh God this song is catchy who the hell is singing it?!" so I googled them up, listened to a number of their other songs and immediately fell from cloud nine in love. 

Absolutely head over heels now, I don't understand why I lived in a different dimension from them in my life before. I should have met them earlier! Tsk.

McFly is a British pop-rock genre band, established in 2003 and still going. I'm not surprised why I like them at all. FT Island is a pop-rock band as well and now I see where I'm going. The only difference between McFly and FT Island is that I can understand McFly's songs without having to google up for lyric translations hahaha. In other aspects I love them both equally except that I have to dote over McFly more now because they are my 'new-born' babies :3


At the moment, I'm listening to It's All About You and sometimes Too Close For Comfort on repeat. There are a number of others that I like such as Transylvania, Ballad of Paul K and well obviously Love Is Easy. At least I have something to drool upon while waiting for FT Island to come up with new songs for my taste buds. 

Don't worry Jonghoon baby I still sketch fanarts of you in my notebooks.




7.6.13

Jebat Arjuna


"Rosman, oh my dear Rosman. Why lah are you Rosman? Dear dear, why do you have to be from the house of Hajah Mariam? My mother loathes her so much. It is impossible that we can be destined together. I love you, Rosman. A little or too much, no one can ever tell. But yes, I love you."

****

"I am done for. Is he without a scratch?"

"What, are you hurt Malik?"

"It's just a scratch, really, but I think I'm going to need a doctor. Would you please call 911?"

"You're not kidding? You said it's just a scratch."

"Yes, but although not deeper than a well neither as wide as a door can be opened, it was enough. Come tomorrow I will not be the same. I’ll be a doll without a soul and you shall find me a grave man, a fine one, to prepare my bed for my eternal slumber. And before I go, I want to know why in the world did you come between us!? I was hurt under your arms."

****

"Oh Julia, it’s been three hours now. I've been talking non-stop since I came in. Would you kindly wake up now so we can happily waltz out of here forever? I’m afraid the people outside would start to think that I’m going crazy over your death. O Julia, please wake up quickly."

****



For our Introduction to Shakespeare subject this semester, we have to conduct a Shakespearean based play. It's kinda like our final project. My class was divided into two groups and we're doing Romeo & Juliet and The Tempest. My group would be staging Rosman & Julia, an adaptation from Romeo & Juliet with a Malay interpretation. It will be held next Monday, 10th of June 2013 at the Dewan Resital Panca Sakti, UiTM Shah Alam from 6pm till 11pm. Ofcourse it would be awesome! 

I'm not one of the acting people though. I'm the music director. I'm gonna be controlling the background musics from the control room. And I made this poster up there. I'm really looking forward to this play. You can come if you like, to give us support! ADMISSION IS ABSOLUTELY FREE!

6.6.13

I rest my case

"You are declared guilty, and I hereby sentence you to 50 years of jail. Court dismissed."

When the gavel was brought down followed by the grim echoing of wood being struck, Daniel felt as if a heavy burden had been lifted from his shoulders. He walked out of the courtroom, still feeling slightly shaky from the intense battle he just had with the defense attorney, but he was glad, almost proud of himself. He had defeated one of the most well-known defense attorney who rarely lost a court case; Mikail Faith - his half brother.

In the lobby, it was Mikail who approached him first. Mikail who was taller gazed down at him with a stare that could penetrate through walls. 

"Nice luck, rookie. You really have a way of bluffing yourself to victory." he uttered mockingly. His tone was severe, and as soon as that voice escaped the mouth of its owner, it was as if everybody could feel a sudden drop of temperature all around. Daniel frowned disapprovingly.

"It was a fair battle, and taunting me would not change the judge's verdict. I will do anything to ensure justice is served."

From the point-of-view of an onlooker, it would seem as if Daniel was a newbie being scolded by his mentor for screwing up in his job. Mikail looked firm and unforgiving, but there was more charisma to the way he was standing and the way his raven black hair was neatly combed backwards. He had a certain air of authority surrounding him.

Daniel on the other hand, looked very young and sorry. Somehow, from the way his shoulders were tensed, there was a hint of uncertainty and in-confidence. In front of the good-looking Mikail, he seemed inferior indeed.

"Why did you choose this path, rookie? Do you really believe that you're good enough?" Mikail asked provokingly. He loved it when Daniel's face melted into sheer annoyance and anger. 

"At least I was good enough to defeat you! I want justice to prevail, and send down evil to the shadows where they belong, even if that means sending you down with them!" Daniel exclaimed. Of course, he was young and he was still hot-headed. A burst of unkindly laughter escaped from Mikail's mouth. His eyes were mocking Daniel in every way it could.

"Fool! This is only the beginning. You better prepare yourself, because this won't be the last time you'll be going against me in court. Next time, I shall beat you into a pulp!" 

Mikail left with a hateful smirk on his face. Daniel noticed the scar across his  left eyebrows, but he was too angry to even think about it. He hated that scar. He hated Mikail. When his half brother was no longer in his sight, he realized that he was standing there, clenching his fists and shaking with fury.



This short story is a tribute to one of my all time favourite game ever: Pheonix Wright Ace Attorney series. Although it has nothing to do with the story line in the game, but it's got something to do with attorneys. And somehow since that game I have got an exceptional liking towards handsome guys in suits. Or handsome manga guys in suits -,-

Anyway, the fifth installation of the game is coming out soon onto the Nintendo 3DS platform and I am a bit sad because I won't be able to play that game until someone turns it into a PC emulator ROM or until I buy myself a Nintendo 3DS. Still, I can't wait to play that game! I miss Miles Edgeworth and Klavier Gavin :3

Pheonix Wright with a bunch of new characters and Apollo Justice. (And who the hell is that bad ass new prosecutor uuuuuuuuu)

5.6.13

Which part

"Which part of your body do you like most? Why?"
-
My hands. Because I can.



Yeap. No arguments.

2.6.13

Review POLOS

Kali terakhir saya beli buku cerita yang isi kandungannya ditulis dalam Bahasa Melayu dengan kehendak sendiri adalah bertahun tahun tahun yang lalu. Baru-baru ini saya beli Arjuni, buku antologi cerpen terbitan Biji Press, salah sebuah syarikat penerbit buku Indie yang seangkatan dengan FIXI kiranya walaupun Biji Press masih baru. Secara jujurnya saya beli Arjuni sebab cerpen tulisan sahabat baik saya sejak saya masih kecil ada diselitkan di dalam antologi tersebut. Saya masih ingat lagi, dulu kami sama-sama suka menulis cerita merepek-repek yang lahir dari minat kami berdua membaca komik Gempak, Harry Potter dan juga cerita-cerita misteri Nancy Drew hasil tulisan Caroline Keene. Bayangkan waktu itu kami masih budak hingusan baru darjah lima. Sahabat saya itu memang ternyata lebih handal menulis. Kami sama-sama tulis novel atas buku latihan sekolah sampai bertampal-tampal dua tiga buku, tapi selalunya cerita yang dia tulis lebih popular di kalangan rakan-rakan sekelas. 

Sahabat saya tu namanya Hanan Binti Mansor, atau nama pena beliau Nell Hanan. 

Tanpa melengahkan masa, terus kepada POLOS cerpen tulisan beliau. Saya taknak cerita lebih-lebih tentang Arjuni sebab saya tak habis baca lagi semua cerpen di dalamnya. Cuma secara keseluruhannya, mungkin ada beberapa aspek yang boleh diperbaiki pihak editorial Biji Press kerana terdapat kesalahan-kesalahan kecil seperti gandaan perkataan di tempat yang tak sepatutnya, tiada 'space' di antara tanda noktah dan perkataan seterusnya, dsb. Mungkin jika perkara-perkara ini diambil perhatian, buku-buku terbitan Biji Press kelak akan lebih kemas dan kelihatan lebih professional. Maaf saya menegur butir-butir picisan ini sebab sebenarnya saya seorang yang OCD terhadap 'spacing' dan penggunaan kata di dalam buku-buku di pasaran haha. Sebab saya keluar duit jadi saya nak yang terbaik, betul kan? 

Melencong lagi. Mari terus kepada POLOS. Oleh kerana saya sudah terbiasa dengan hasil tulisan sahabat saya ni, jadi secara jujurnya saya ada 'high expectation' terhadap POLOS. Malangnya di sini, POLOS tak mencapai 'expectation' saya tersebut kerana saya pernah baca cerpen tulisan beliau yang lebih mantap jalan ceritanya. Namun saya tak kata POLOS tak bagus. 

POLOS mengupas dilema gadis yang menderita didera secara mental dan fizikal oleh bapanya yang sakit mental. Perspektif gadis tersebut terhadap lelaki banyak dipengaruhi oleh kekurangan bapanya serta layanan lelaki digelar Bapak itu terhadap ibu dan adik-beradiknya, maka di situlah timbul konflik di dalam cerpen ini. Tema POLOS sebenarnya menarik, dan dari POLOS jugalah pertama kali saya mendengar terdapat sejenis ketakutan yang dipanggil Gamophobia; ketakutan terhadap perkahwinan, perhubungan atau komitmen. 

Sepanjang membaca POLOS saya dapat rasa kebencian si gadis terhadap bapanya yang membuak-buak, sedangkan dalam kebencian gadis itu sebenarnya keliru. Bagusnya penulis cerpen ini menggarap cerita beliau, kerana saya memang tak dapat mengagak bagaimana kesudahan cerita ini sehinggalah saya membaca ke noktah terakhir. 

Panjang pulak review ni. Macam lah bagus sangat aku menulis hahaharrr. 

Okay ni last. Antara watak-watak dalam cerpen ni saya paling tak suka pada Lutfi. Pada saya karakter dia sedikit lemah dan dia terlalu 'cheesy'. Tapi sebenarnya dalam mana-mana cerita Melayu pun saya akan tak suka pada watak lelakinya haha jadi abaikan pendapat saya yang sungguh bias ini. 

Akhir kata, saya beri POLOS 3.5/5 untuk emosinya yang berjaya, tema cerita yang menarik dan plotnya yang kemas. 

Teruskan menulis Nell, saya tau awak boleh buat lebih bagus dari yang ini :)

22.5.13

I dream a dream

Every time I check out an art blog I always feel like I need my own house ASAP. Every talented artistes I came upon so far have such a nice work-space with all their equipment in one place it looks like heaven. I've always dreamed of a nice room with a mini library and my own work desk where I can scatter all my drawing stuff and nobody can complain because it's my room. There should be a high-performance PC among all the art things for when I need to do 'office work' or simply to satisfy my thirst for writing. The most important career for this PC is, obviously, for me to play games on. 

At one corner of the room, nearby the large rectangular window, stands my beautiful guitar for when I feel like singing my hearts content. There should also be a violin somewhere, and a white grand piano in the living room. Ahh what heaven!

But until I earn my own money, all this would be a speck of light in the night sky. The closest feeling I can get to this is when entering an art store. How sad.

I wonder how my mom would react if I tell her I don't plan on getting married. She's been randomly asking people to introduce me to their guy friends, jokingly of course, but still that shows she wants me to settle down some day. 

What if I want to live alone?

Okay, I know I can't tell what lies for me in the future. God might have already set me a nice husband who's responsible and understanding and kind, and it's up to me to cross his path (or up to him to cross mine). But until I find that responsible, understanding and kind husband, I don't plan on settling down. I don't even plan on looking for him har har har sorry future husband you have a lot of work to do.

I want to live in my own little heaven on Earth without having anyone telling me 'NO' and without needing permissions to paint the wall any colour I like. 


19.5.13

Ujikaji (Experiment)

Post ini hanya sebagai ujikaji.
(This post is just an experiment.)

Sebab perasaan ingin tahu saya tiba-tiba membuak.
(Because my curiosity is killing me.)

Sila tahu yang saya sedang menterjemah ayat ke ayat, bukannya perkataan ke perkataan.
(Please note that I am translating sentences, not words.)

Jadi jangan mengharap terjemahan bulat-bulat dari BM ke BI.
(So don't go on expecting direct translations from Malay to English.)

Saya hanya nak membuktikan yang bila menulis dalam BI, ayat saya lebih ringkas dan padat
(I just want to prove that when I write in English, my sentences are simpler and meaningful)

tetapi bila menulis dalam BM saya rasa ayat saya akan lebih mengelirukan dan semua ayat jadi lebih panjang.
(but when I write in Malay I think I'll confuse people and all my sentences become much longer.)

Awak tak rasa begitu?
(Don't you think so?)

Kalau awak pun perasan benda yang sama terjadi pada awak maka sebenarnya memang menulis dalam BM ni ambil lebih banyak tenaga menulis berbanding jika menulis dalam BI. 
(If you've been feeling the same way then actually writing in Malay really does consume a lot of writing energy compared to when writing in English.)

Maksud saya, dari segi bilangan huruf dan juga panjang ayat.
(I mean in terms of the number of letters and the length of words.)

Hmm awak faham kan apa yang saya cuba sampaikan ni?
(Hmm you do understand what I'm trying to say, right?)

Dan kalau awak perasan saya tak guna langsung ayat pinjaman; iaitu ayat dari BI yang diubahsuai sedikit dan digunakan sebagai BM.
(And if you noticed, I didn't use any borrowed words; which is words from English that have been slightly changed and used as Malay.)

Seperti contoh: aspek, eksperimen, dsb.
(For example: 'aspect', 'experiment', etc.)

Ini supaya ujikaji saya ini lebih adil.
(This is to ensure a fair experiment.)

Dan sehingga ayat ini, saya rasa sebenarnya dah tiada beza antara tulisan BM dan BI saya.
(And up until this sentence, I don't see any difference between my English and Malay writing now.)

Dua-dua pun dah jadi sama panjang -____-"
(Both are equally lengthy now -____-")

Jadi sekian sahaja ujikaji saya yang kurang berjaya. 
(Hence this is the end of my unsuccessful experiment.)

Selamat malam.
(Good night.)

Cerita kurang seronok dibaca

Saya bukan nak merengek/mengadu/mengeluh. Tapi sejak tahu sakit tekak ni bukan ulser tapi tonsilitis makin menjadi-jadi pula sakitnya. Memang langsung tak kelakar bila bangun untuk Subuh dan kau langsung tak mampu sujud dengan sempurna akibat sakit yang melampau di bahagian kerongkong. 

Dan sekarang puan ibu sibuk suruh buang tonsil buang tonsil. Sebab doktor cakap kalau taknak sakit selalu buang jelah. Itu bukan perkara yang menarik. Saya kurang gemar bahagian tubuh saya dibelah dengan benda tajam. Manakala nenek saya pesan suruh kumur air garam. Saya lebih rela itu dari yang tadi. 

Jadi mari berharap kali ni petua tok nenek lebih afdal berbanding pencapaian sains.

Sebenarnya bila menulis dalam bahasa melayu ni idea untuk merepek lagi kurang. Bukan sebab Bahasa Melayu saya teruk, tidak. Saya tak maksudkan itu. Malahan awak boleh tengok sendiri bagaimana 'puitis'nya saya munyusun kata. Oleh kerana puitisnya susunan kata-kata saya maka tidak ada ruang untuk omongan kosong. Cewah. Sebenarnya sebab tak jumpa perkataan sesuai untuk sampaikan mesej yang ingin disampaikan dalam BM.

Akhirnya saya penat fikir apa nak tulis je. Sebab saya rasa bila tulis dalam BM semua perkataan semacam lebih panjang dari biasa. 

Sekian. 


17.5.13

Tulisan separuh jalan

Hari ni saya belajar satu lagi benda tentang diri sendiri dan orang lain.

Dah lama tak menulis dalam bahasa Melayu sepenuhnya sampailah terpaksa tulis slogan untuk peraduan Era.FM tak boleh melebihi 20 patah perkataan dan baru saya sedar betapa karatnya kebolehan saya untuk menulis dalam Bahasa Melayu dengan ringkas dan padat. Seperti contoh, ayat sebelum ni. Satu ayat pun ambil tiga baris memang tak boleh cakap apa lah. 

Hmm tadi macam tak gembira sangat sebab perut kurang sihat. Tapi setelah berduet dengan Hawa melalui Twitter macam terubat kedukaan sikit. Sikit lah. Lepastu sekarang dah malas nak tulis apa-apa sebab mengantuk. 

Selamat malam. Sehingga nanti.


16.5.13

Believe

Biasalah. Penangan caffeine. Mesti nak kena update post berkali-kali. Walaupun takde perkara penting nak cakap. Tulah, that's the thing. My blog is not even close to educational. Not even informational. Far from interesting. I don't expect to be followed by a lot of other bloggers. I'm even surprised why some people keep returning here to read my craps. You should really find something better to read. 

I realized that there're a lot of things I want to achieve in the short term run. I want to buy a smartphone (which has been in my wishlist since last year), I want to buy my own guitar, I want to buy a set of copic markers, I want to go to Singapore with my cousins, I want to go to Japan (my ultimate wish in the list so far), and the list goes on.

My friend keeps telling me, if I you really want something so bad you should believe you will get it one day. Well, I believe I will get all of these one day, but not in the short term run. 

Hmmm sometimes you've been let down so many times it's hard to really believe in things anymore. 

This might be caffeine talking too.

There's 10 minutes before midnight (at the moment I'm writing this), so it is still legit for me to wish my littlest sister HAPPY 8th BIRTHDAY AND MAY GOD BLESS YOU WITH A WONDERFUL LIFE AND GROW UP (no don't grow up) TO BE A SUCCESSFUL PERSON.

Okay. Next story.

I just finished writing an e-mail (essay) to someone from Groupon, thanking him and his team for the wonderful experience I had in Krabi-Phuket and on board the Superstar Libra. Honestly, if it wasn't for them deciding that my doodle was eligible as a grand prize-winning doodle, I would've never dreamed of being on a cruise ship.

I know, I know, probably you're tired of my cruise story. I promise this is gonna be the last. Maybe.

But you know that lingering feeling that won't leave because you felt you just had a wonderful time. It's like falling in love. And I fell in love with the ocean. 

Ugh I feel like vomiting.

Look I just had a big glass of Caramel Latte from Secret Recipe and expected it to taste like Sahara Tent's Ice Blended Caramel but it didn't. It tasted like latte with caramel inside and now my head's spinning and my heart's racing and I know I'm gonna have a hard time falling asleep.

Hmmmm oh yes, I just injured two of my knuckles because I was trying to take out something out of a tin can. Now my right hand looks as if it just got run over by a truck because I put two plasters over the wounds. Honestly, it's not as bad as it looks really. 

Aaaand my glasses kinda broke apart today but I repaired it thankfully so nothing wrong here.

I want to dedicate Frank Sinatra's "My Way" to everyone. When I finish my practicum later on, I want to listen to this song and cry in one corner of my bed hahaha. I can't wait :3

12.5.13

Ocean Bound 3


This is one of my favourite photos of the trip. They're our friends we met on the ship; Kak Rina and her family. The two little boys are her sons. 

Of course we made friends. That was the best part of our journey. We met new people, shared stories, talked about the elections with fellow Malaysian, and it was fun to listen to on my part. My mom did all the talking usually. Because I usually do all the listening. 

After 4 days on the ship, I must say, it was sad to think this might be the only cruise trip I'll ever have in my life for the few years to come. On the last night after the farewell party, I walked alone on the the 10th floor above the pool deck to collect myself and to let my thoughts fly with the sound of the waves and the sea. It was 1 am, and there was not many people around. The wind was strong as the ship was cruising fast back to Penang. That made me even sadder. 

While I walked and observed every single thing from the stars to the railings to the lights and the flags with a pirate skull embedded on it, Frank Sinatra's song I Did it My Way came out through the stereo loud and clear and throbbed at me like an annoying little sister. I decided to stay for a little more just to enjoy the song, and realized it made me feel a hundred times sadder. The song never felt the same anymore since then.

It was such a precious experience. If I were given the same chance ever again, of course I would take it. Perhaps I'd go through it with a different person then, who knows? Maybe a loved one? Maybe I'd be like Kak Rina that time and be on the ship with kids around me. My own. Well, surprise me.

I dream of going to Japan since I was younger. Now I anticipate it even more. Can't wait for my next journey. Until then.

The waves shall wash away the prints on the sand, but not the memories.

The End

11.5.13

Ocean Bound 2


I must remind you that this is not a love story.

There are about 10 floors on the cruise ship that passengers have access to. Most people frequent floor 9 which is the pool deck where there are two swimming pools and two jacuzzi, and which is where the Mariner's Buffet is. Floor 10 is the top most deck where it's open and you can hang around and enjoy the view, which is where I was in the picture above. Mom and I woke up early the second day just to enjoy sunrise, and it was really a spectacular view from a cruise ship in the middle of the ocean.

Floor 8 would be where the disco is. It's just below the Mariner's Buffet, so when we were having supper this one night, we could here loud music being played from the disco below.

Floor 7 consists of only cabins, which are the rooms where passengers stay in. Our cabin was at floor 3. Floor 6 was the sun deck. You can gain access to the front most part of the ship and shoot Titanic here if you want, but I didn't, which makes me kinda sad. I tried going there one morning but the wind was ridiculously strong from that part that my shawl flew dangerously all around me. I turned back and just walked around the deck, inspecting the life boats hanging up above for when there's emergency.

On floor 5 they have the Stardust Lounge where we gather for shows, briefings and assembly, and also the Star Club which is the casino. Floor 4 is kinda the lobby of the ship where there's a white grand piano and at intervals of time the pianist would come and play a few good songs. Once while I was hanging around the lobby he was playing Frank Sinatra's Fly Me To The Moon which is my favourite song and that made me feel content. Other than that there're a few shops on this floor, and the Four Seasons Restaurant where we had our Gala Dinner Party. 

Floor 3 is where our cabin is situated. Our room: 3141. I don't know much about floor 1 and 2 because we don't usually go down there. But the gangway where you exit the ship to go onto a smaller boat (during Krabi trip) or to a dry port (in Phuket trip) is on floor 1. 

This was in Phuket

Really, if you want to have a better view of the descriptions I gave you above, they're all uploaded on my Facebook HERE

Every time I go up to the Pool Deck, me and my mom, we'd always go "Dah bukak ke belum Mariner's? Sekarang lunch kan?" or "Sekarang pukul berapa? 11.30 patutnya dah boleh supper kan?" Although we just had breakfast, we're usually hungry again by 11.30am so we'd go peeking down across the deck to see if the entrance door to the Buffet is open. That's about what me and my mom were doing all throughout the journey. Eating. 

Of course, there was another reason for me. After the conversation that night, we never talked again. Sometimes when our eyes meet we'd smile and then I'll continue putting food into my plate. It's so ridiculous I managed to have a crush on someone on board a cruise ship. But I love it because of the fact that I know I'll never see him again after this. 

Isn't it?

End of part 2


Ocean Bound


I decided that writing a blog post with a hundred pictures would just crowd my blog. If you are interested to see my journey in Thailand on board a cruise ship, feel free to visit my Facebook HERE

The picture above is me in Penang, on a beach nearby the Hard Rock Hotel in Batu Ferringhi. It is the last stop of our 5 days vacation from Penang-Krabi-Phuket-Penang again. So as you can see, I am in a state of what you call "melayan blues" or "melayan perasaan". Because I literally am in that picture which my mom took without me noticing. I look at the ocean and I remember the cruise ship, the crews and the people. It makes me feel melancholic now that I gaze to the sea and all I can remember is those four days worry-free journey with my beloved mother on board a ship which name bears my zodiac sign. 

I love to call the vacation a journey, because it was challenging for me in many ways. I am a person with mobile sickness. Put me in any vehicle that moves a lot and I get sick. Every single day on board the ship I had to go through with help of medication. I can feel the waving movements of the ship which nobody else I know can. 

On the day of our Krabi trip, we arrived back on the ship soaking wet due to heavy rain along the way back. There were no large ports in Krabi, so our cruise parked way in the middle of the sea and we were transported to the island on a smaller boat. There was enough sheltered space for about 50 people on the small boat. During the heavy rain, because my mom and I had raincoats and we weren't carrying small children, we volunteered to sit at the deck of the small boat where there was no shelter. There were about 15 other people on that deck with us, all with raincoats and, fortunately, with good sense of humor. It was cold, wet, and fun indeed. And mind you, my mom and I chose to run barefooted through the rain.

On the day of the Phuket trip, I forgot to take my medication so I had a little headache while on the tour bus to Promthep Cape. Instead of following the rest of the group up to the cape to take beautiful scenery pictures, my mother and I climbed down again and took pictures of a gigantic millipede. That was the biggest millipede I ever saw in my life. 

There was this one cute person on the ship. He was tall, a bit clumsy in a cute boyish way, friendly, and he was from Indonesia. He served drinks on the first night of the trip, and surprisingly chose to start a conversation with me instead of the other lady before me. A short one, but one I'll never forget. He acknowledged me as a Malaysian, asked if I've ever went to Indonesia, and said I should visit there some time. Before I parted with my glass of iced lemon tea and mom's air bandung, he told me to be careful with the drinks, reminded me to come down for supper at the Mariner's Buffet cafeteria later that night and said thanks. I walked off with a little smile.

He was one of the reasons I liked to go down to the Mariner's Buffet after all the food for the following days hihi.

End of part 1


3.5.13

Fly away

I am flying to Penang on Sunday and then straight away board a cruise ship to Krabi Island and Phuket. Next week will be one real adventure for me and my mom. Plus, it'll be mother's day soon. I guess she deserves this trip more than I do.

Don't expect a lot of pictures from me haha. I'm not a good photographer. I seldom take pictures and I just don't care to upload it to the internet. Even if I do take a lot of pictures, don't expect me to upload all of it here. I'll upload when I feel like uploading. 

Or maybe this is just me talking out of fever. I have sore throat and I feel quite unwell and I don't have 5 days MC. I just have 5 days cruise trip to Krabi oh God I should've made a video.

Until then.

2.5.13

Love perhaps

I have just had dinner, and my stomach isn't behaving very well. It's been quite stressful lately, although I can't really even tell myself why. Perhaps because I've been thinking about things I'm not supposed to be thinking of. But that's not the point of my writing tonight. 

Tonight I want to talk about love.

My timeline has been full of break-ups and couple-fights lately. There are the occasional people in love, but I'm glad most of them decide to keep it low. Sad people usually want to express their feelings. I don't mind that. They have all the rights. 

Love is sweet and sugary, some people say. It is. You know you have that someone you can always turn to when in need, and someone who would say nice things to you when you feel like a mess. Even at your worst moments, you know that person would always think you're the greatest/prettiest/cutest. It is a nice feeling. You feel wanted. You feel appreciated. And when everything goes wrong at least you know you mean something to someone. 

I don't know why I chose to talk about this at this hour, perhaps because at the moment quite a number of people are being lovey dovey on my timeline, but honestly to me, love is a frightening journey. 

Love is commitment.

I used to have a relationship once that lasted more than four years, but then it ended and I started to see things differently. Four years wasn't a short journey. We made mistakes and we learn from it. And honestly, up until this moment, that's the longest commitment I've ever had with someone that isn't my family. I don't know how I was able to tolerate all the heart things, the fights and the tears. If you ask me to do the same thing now, I don't even know if I can. I don't even know if I want to anymore. Spending a long duration of time for something uncertain; to me it feels like a waste of energy. I don't blame anyone, but doesn't it feel like a waste of time and energy? You could have spared all the tears. You could have done something better.

But if not for the 4 years, I'd never have known what I know now.

Maybe I just want to be alone, that's what my friend pointed out to me. And maybe it's true. It's not like I'm giving up or anything. I just want to have more me time, linger in the moment. Maybe I've had enough of thinking about another person's feeling so much until I forget to worry about mine. I want to be able to do whatever I want to do and nobody other than my parents should be giving me permissions to do it. I want to have time alone at night so I can read or draw or write while listening to music instead of texting with someone until late into the night which might lead into petty fights if I reply any later than 10 minutes. Ugh I hate texting nowadays, especially since my phone's been lagging a lot. The more reason not to be having a relationship yet.

At this point, I just don't want to be in love. I'm happy being in love with my family and my close friends, but not to a guy yet. I am quite stressed out by my studies at the moment, I don't need more reasons to mess up my head. Plus, I just realized I'm quite allergic to love confessions. I don't even know if I can even handle it. Not now. 

That, is how I feel towards love. Thank you.

30.4.13

Doubt.

How does it feel to not have rationality, sanity, and the ability to weigh the difference between what is right and what is wrong? How does it feel to murder, kidnap and rob other people? How does it feel to inflict harm on a certain person you dislike? How does it feel to just agree with that infuriating emotion that makes your heart pump and your blood rise? 

Why? 

I believe there is a very thin line in every human being that borders their sanity and that other world. Sometimes you just feel like putting one feet across the line, but your rationale pulls you in, bargains and argue with you, and you stop. Is it normal to feel angry to your own rationale thinking? Sometimes I am curious. Sometimes I hate my curiosity because it is curious towards things that have not simple solutions and answers. 

The good thing about having doubt is that you will think a hundred times before you resort to doing/believing/saying things. The bad thing about it is you will think a hundred times before doing/believing/saying things, until you finally miss the chance. Or until you don't feel like doing it anymore. 

My friend is doubt, and so is my enemy. 

26.4.13

. . .

Internet perlahan ni memang mendatangkan fuck you betul. Terutamanya ketika perasaan tak tenteram. 

Tolong maafkan keterlanjuran kata saya. Dekat twitter macam ramai sangat yang ambil tahu. Mungkin dekat sini tak siapa peduli sangat. Mungkin lah. Kalau salah, maafkan saya. Semoga Tuhan juga ampunkan kebaculan mulut (tangan) saya yang mengeluarkan ungkapan tak sepatutnya. Rasa nak jerit. Sumpah.

Another caffeine story

This evening, I was supposed to 'bancuh' a cup of Nescafe for my dad when he arrives home from work. At around 6, there was some fogging activity going around my housing area, so the environment wasn't so pleasant. Everything smelled poisonous. I sat and played with my pet cat Pipuk because I was bored and nobody wanted to play Ruzzle with me. 

You can always recognize the sound of a certain car if you're used to riding it or listening to it every day. I know the sound of my dad's car every time he comes home from work. A sound that can also act as an alarm if you haven't already done your Asar prayers, and an alarm that says go 'bancuh' dad's tea or Nescafe now. Dads usually like it warm, so make his drink on time that when he drinks it it would still scald his tongue kikiki.

So while lazily playing with Pipuk and with the fogging thingy going on outside, I heard that sound. I swear it was that sound, because my instinct said so. I didn't even bother to peer out the window to make sure, I just knew. I pushed Pipuk off my lap and headed straight for the kitchen to 'bancuh' dad's Nescafe. And then I put it on the coffee table. And then I took my mom's tab, sat on the living room sofa and checked for any new Ruzzle challenges. No Ruzzle challenges still, so I opened the 4 Pics 1 Word game heck I was bored. 

The front door never opened. Pipuk didn't even budge from her lazy spot in front of the door. The fogging was still going on outside like nobody's business. I scratched my head and only then thought of going to the window to check. 

Tadaaa, no dad. 

Just the fogging man going to and fro with his fogging machine. Semangat je lebih, I laughed in my head at silly ol' me. If dad comes home late his drink would be cold, so might as well just drink it myself. 

You can never be too sure about things you think you're sure of.

And now I'm a nervous wreck and I'm pretty sure this giddy feeling is because of that wrong cup of Nescafe. Pfft.

25.4.13

Mordu

I told you
I'll write more
Till these feelings subdue
So please walk out the door
There are better things for you to do

I am one of them
people who lash out with words
in written forms of gem
born from the rattles of my cords
Now this is a poem

Thank you
Boohoo.

Hahahahaha



Swarm

I'm much angrier than I should be.
I mean
I just received some good news
There shouldn't be anger in my system.
Anger usually makes me want to write more
And work less
Even communicate less.

So I shall write blog posts
loads of em
as I like
You shouldn't bother.
I'm just a hopeless pool of anger.
And this is not a poem
Even if it sounds like it
after I've tried reading it poetically.
Haha
I'm still angry

Not an interesting story

When on board a train, there're usually two things in my head. The first would be to reach my destination safely and on time. The second would be that nobody farts around me in the coach. Yesterday, while on the way to KL Sentral to meet up with my friends for our assignment task, I forgot to bring along my earphones (my phone battery was almost drained anyway). So I had ample time to think of a lot of other things other than people farting and whether I'd reach my destination on time. I brought along The Diary of Anne Frank, but since I have mobile-sickness I just held onto the book in the coach while looking aimlessly out the window. 

I don't usually notice a lot of things outside the train. If I look out the window too much I might feel dizzy. During my journeys to KL Sentral on that same route every other day, the only things I'd be noticing would be the name of stations, some graffiti on a wall, some shapes on the wall of an apartment that resembles a face, and trees. Yesterday, I tried counting how many apartments I saw along the way, but I failed because there were just too many. I had to refrain myself from counting the other buildings I saw in the distance because I wasn't sure if they were apartments. And then there was a man in red t-shirt and white shorts jogging around a lake in Subang. A man in white t-shirt on a step-ladder, probably repairing/renovating something inside an outward-facing display window of a shop building. And then an Indian woman a few seats from my right changed to a seat across the aisle. And then another Indian woman's phone fell to the floor with an unpleasant thud. I didn't look her way so that she wouldn't feel embarrassed.

I wasn't amused by all this, because sooner than I could think I was already feeling sleepy. It was 9 in the morning, and every other days during this mid semester break this is the hour I'd be struggling to open my eyes on my bed. 

I remembered reading somewhere the previous night "When you pray to God, you should pray with undivided belief and faith that God will grant your wishes." Because I was bored and very sleepy, I tried wishing that I could read everybody's mind for one minute. I guess I didn't believe enough. 

BONKS. That was the graffiti written on the wall. I can clearly remember it now. There were some other things but BONKS was the biggest graffiti over there. Every time I see it I always wonder who the hell drew that beautiful thing up there. 

The train stopped at KL Sentral 9.30. I was glad because we promised to meet up at 10, and I still have plenty of time for myself. I was not so hungry, but I had to freshen my mind from the morning drowsiness. I had hotcakes and cold Milo at McDonald's while reading Anne Frank. I don't really like reading in public because of all the noise. My head frequently jumped to things other than the book. 

Here I am sitting all alone, thinking of unimportant stuff, looking like some loser in a pink baju kurung, trying hard to focus on her book. Do people even care about my existence? I guess even if I do stupid things, nobody will care because they don't know me. If I wasn't a girl, I would've done a lot of things alone. Going out at night wouldn't be such a problem if I was not a girl. Ah, but I'm supposed to be reading this book, damn it.

That's basically what was going on in my head that time. 

Omg, look at me, I'm such a loser. Wait are those people talking about me? Shut up brain just read the damn book.

And then my friend texted me saying she has arrived and was waiting in a black Myvi. I quickly finished my cold Milo and left the place, slightly feeling unaccomplished for the inability to focus reading in public.

Sometimes I wonder, what are the things other people have in their head? Do they think like me? Or are their thoughts even more organized unlike mine? It would be interesting to be able to know.

18.4.13

Obviously.


Yes, I am going to put this everywhere.

A friend of mine introduced me to Paradise Kiss. 
I've heard about it before but I never had the urge to check it out.
It's a manga. And it has a movie where it's not anime.
And I have fallen in love with Ai Yazawa's drawing style.
I read manga just for the sake of the art to be honest. 
So I'm not going to go suddenly fanatic over Paradise Kiss. 
As a matter of fact, I have never finished reading ANY manga.
Haha.

I like Fairy Tail. I never finished reading it.
Sometimes I read Naruto, but that has stretched into a ridiculous span of episodes
So no, I won't bother with that.
I can't be bothered to commit myself to anything. 
Except for the Inheritance Cycle written by Cristopher Paolini. 
I can't believe I went through that till the end.
But umm, maybe because the Inheritance Cycle only consists of 4 books.
Unlike 7.

Unless
Unless I like it a lot.
Like really a lot.
Super duper really really like it a lot.
Like drawing.

13.4.13

Post-caffeine post

I don't usually blogwalk, but sometimes I drop by random blogs posted by people on twitter and facebook just to satisfy my curiosity. My level of curiosity depends on how I'm feeling at the moment. Like a few days ago, I was supposed to be finishing an assignment that was due the next day. That was the moment when my level of curiosity was at the peak of its excellence. Usually that's the case. Every time, if I may say. 

I read this interesting blog that day, and I'm sure I'd be returning because apparently, the day I dropped by the blog owner just posted his first post in there. If the first post was that attention-grabbing, I can undoubtedly bet on my love for Ice Blended Caramel that the following posts would be just as fine. 

Speaking of Caramel drinks, I noticed lately how my body reacts to caffeine. The feeling is indescribable, but it's kinda annoying to an extent I randomly did a 15 minutes workout with my roommate just to shake off the weird feeling. And the result was I had to bear aches all over my tummy and my waist for the next three days. Thanks, caffeine. Cewahh salahkan caffeine.

Still, I'd never stop drinking Cappuccino Bubble Tea from that Roti Impitzz stall in my faculty haha. 

And speaking of Cappuccino Bubble Tea, I had myself a glass of Ice Blended Cappuccino drink for dinner just now. Great. No wonder I was feeling so giddy. 

8.4.13

What ifs.

This evening during Asian Literature class, we talked about the short story 'Purvai'. I seriously cannot remember the name of the author, because I just don't care that much to go and recheck. The story is about a housewife, leading a normal mundane life, with a husband and a son, and suddenly one day decided to change from normality after seeing a person she once knew in her past. 

I only read the story once, and to tell you the truth I didn't immediately understand the essence of the story at first go. I did not re-read the story, though. However, the first thing that struck me after reading the story was this little situation that happened between two person - a mother and a daughter - one fine day at an exclusive shopping mall in a city. 


The mother and the daughter were walking, admiring the expensive things sold behind the huge display windows with branded names printed on them. 

"If I had married my rich boss at that time, I would have been able to buy all this." said the mother. 

The daughter smiled dryly and said "If you had married your rich boss, then we wouldn't be around."


That's about it.


1.4.13

Time.

"Sometimes, other people's definition of 'time is money' is different from yours. I might be in front of the laptop all day, but you don't know what I'm actually doing. Maybe sitting in front of the laptop all day is money for me."

I am updating because I miss my blog. I have nothing to blog about, and I haven't been able to write things lately. I miss writing short stories too, like I used to when I didn't have a lot of things to do. It has been a week since I last played an interesting game. I am currently taking extra lessons in programming and coding on codecademy.com. Most of my free time I spend over there because I don't want to break my day streaks haha. 

So that's basically it. If you're interested in coding, you can go take lessons there too. It's absolutely free, and the lessons are easy to understand! Plus you get virtual badges for completing exercises and stuff, so you'll feel motivated to continue doing all the exercises everyday. 

My dream is to be able to build my own website from scratch one day. And I hope for more than just that. Wish me luck :)

Oh, I almost forgot. My t-shirt business is running now, and we're starting to promote our tees everywhere. I'm busy designing new stuff. You should go check out Black and Blue Ink. if you want me to be happy. Don't just check out, buy some things from us and I'll bless you all with happy things and success in life haha. Okay bye.

25.3.13

.

There is always one thing you cannot understand about people even if you think you know them best. The only people you can understand is you. 

If I were to let this strong bugging feeling inside of me take control, I would be revengeful. If I had power over things, I would give some people a taste of karma. But I am not, so I sit here and mould things into words with a despairing hatred towards myself. 

Revenge should be sweet.


17.3.13

Problem


.



That's how much self-confidence I have when talking to other people.
It doesn't matter how many people. Doesn't matter who. There's no difference.
Help me :(

14.3.13

Gluttony

"Did you know, that the total calory in food in this world was produced to sufficiently cater the number of people on Earth?"

I've been thinking. Is it wrong to love food? Gluttony is considered as one of the 7 deadliest sin according to the bible, and in Islam it is a sin to overdo things. Sunnah nabi cakap makan sebelum lapar, berhenti sebelum kenyang. Zaman sekarang, makan sebelum lapar, bila dah tidur baru berhenti makan. Lepas makan tengahari dah sendawa kenyang pun boleh buka peti cari jajan lagi. Ngap ngap ngap depan TV sampai tertidur, bangun tidur dah lapar balik cari makanan lagi *kena batang hidung sendiri*

I've been observing how it has become a trend to love food. Everybody loves food nowadays. Honestly, I love to eat as well. As quoted from my lecturer, everybody has been "McDonalized". 

But since knowing the above fact that my friend had told me, I feel deeply guilty towards the people in other countries who are forced to eat sand in order to survive, and appear like living walking bones because they have no food. We live here so wealthy with food and nutrition. Food is just one telephone call away and we can eat as much as we like, but some people out there are not even eating once a day. 

Think about it.