Solution

As you can see, I have found a solution to all this. Thus life will go on as usual.

Her tears

Inspired by this art I found in Pinterest

[ART]

I have a sudden obsession over Paint lately.

The White Witch

At some point in life, everybody has hurt someone whether they intend to or not.

Decisions

I think I wanna stop writing here in my personal blog. What's the point of writing when you don't even know what you wanna write anymore? And then there's crap all the time, because I'm such a crappy girl with an uninteresting life. I literally live under my own cocoon, drawing and gaming and trying hard to write a book and always looking for something fictional to read. Nobody cares about my life.

Actually I found somebody's status on Facebook earlier today and reading what he wrote made me feel like a complete loser. The fact that he's some sort of my 'benchmark' in life makes me feel even worse. Even though it's a status not intended to anyone generally, but y'know, I felt a little disheartened. I noticed I've been feeling a little fragile these days. Believe it or not, I felt like crying out of nowhere while watching a lion dance performance at a shopping mall yesterday -,-"

So that's it. I'll leave this here so I can think. Maybe I'll come back, maybe I won't. We'll just see. 

because I was angry

New Year's Resolution

I only just noticed that I have not made my resolutions for this year. Not a big deal, really, because I actually started not to bother making one since last year. But it's good to have a little list, just to make sure you can refer to it later on when you start to forget. And so that you'll have an objective that you want to achieve. 

First things first, I wanna be the best at what I'm good at. This has been my resolution every year. I don't know if I have ever achieved it, but the fact that I'm not sure proves that I haven't. 

Next, I want to travel to a place that's far away from home. 

And then, I want to own a set of copic markers hehe. 

I want to own a smartphone.

This is becoming too ambitious. Should I stop? Wait just one more.

Get deans list for one of my semesters this year.

Okay. That's about it. Wish me luck. Be kind 2013.

Disconnected

Two days the internet connection at my home here got dysfunctional. Two days of unintentional disconnection to the world. I find myself feeling rather uneasy. Not because of the fact that I couldn't login to my social networking websites, but because I lost connection to my only source of free tutorials and guides on how to colour or draw. 

Just at the very moment I suddenly felt the urge to try my hand in a different type of colouring medium other then pencil colours, and I fret remembering that I have no means of looking for tips and tricks in handling watercolours this time. 

I went on with the urge anyway, convincing myself that I already have the basics in colouring from my experience using pencil colours. But as expected, the results were quite unsatisfactory. I can mix the colours quite well now, but I don't know how to make the colours appear smooth on my drawing. Which is a bummer because it ruined everything. I tried wet on dry first, and then wet on wet, and the latter proved to be a disaster so I gave up. I still need a lot of researching to do.

Finally, I ended up playing a continue-the-sentence-in-the-story game with my sisters and we had such a laugh I literally laughed my tears out. 

But I made these too along the way. At least it makes me feel much happier despite my little failure

They're minimalist posters. I found a lot of them in deviantArt made by absolutely creative and skilled people and been thinking of making one myself since last year. My lack of skill in using Photoshop has hindered the effort, so you know, this was traditionally drawn by hand at first and then edited in Photoshop later. You don't know how much I made my Sharpie work for this. 

I intentionally made them black and white because I like it that way. You can call it a collection of black and white minimalist posters of my favourite animation movies of all time if you'd like. Hehe. There's one more, surely I wouldn't have left it on purpose because that's my most favourite animation movie y'know, but I was too lazy to scan and edit so I left it in my sketch book for later. 

Until then.

I bought a new sketchbook today lalala

On the 27th of January last year, I dared myself to stay away from social networking websites for one day. I don't know why I had to dare myself at that time, because I don't have to now and I can go without internet for days. What's the big deal? I should dare myself to stay away for a month and then talk. But I think last semester break I already did that.

Sometimes I hope certain people understand. I'm not pushing away possibilities, they're the ones ruining it for themselves. I know what I want now. So if I don't meet it then it just won't happen. 

When I'm with this side of my social network I feel belonged and happy and there's nothing to worry about because most of them are like me. Happy single girls. But when I'm with the other side of my social network I feel well I still feel happy but sometimes I feel like the little odd one out. I'm the only happy single girl and when conversations start to stir to 'THAT' topic well you know what I mean, I have to most of the times keep quiet and listen. 

But I'm happy though. At least I have friends.

LOL for the post yang takde kena mengena dengan tajuk :3 lalala

The crucial point

When you're playing a loop de loop - the one where you go round and round a loop vertically without falling - the most crucial point would be the highest point. That point determines if you succeed or if you fall. When you reach that point with the correct amount of speed and force, you would absolutely make it back down again safely. If you go too slow, bam! But if you give too much force either, the loop will collapse.

It's like life in a certain kind of way. When you think you're nearing the most critical point in life and it seems like you're gonna succeed, NEVER let your momentum go down again. Always maintain your effort and your energy, never feel too safe because you never know what's in store for you. Hard work is rewarding, but too much hard work isn't safe either. 

The key to a successful loop de loop is the balance between the up force and the gravity that is pulling you down. Other than that, the structure of the loop should be strong enough to cater your up force. This is physics. But you don't always need physics to be a balanced person. Maybe you've been working all day long and when you go back home you're tired you don't even talk to your family members. At some point you'd be rewarded with 'The Best Employee of the Year' award but how about 'The Best Dad/Mom in the World'? What is life if you don't even learn to appreciate what is around you? The most important thing is; what is the definition of success to you? 

I'm 21 and I don't think I have achieved anything glorious yet. The only thing I can do that makes ME proud is drawing. And I'm not even the best. That's why I try so hard to improve myself in this because I believe if this is the only thing I can be good at, then why not just aim for the best? 

I don't really like it when people say "I'm so jealous of your talent." because it took me a lot of hard work to reach where I am now and people don't see all that. Though, my dad said once "Drawing can't be taught, you need to have talent to be good at it." but without effort (and the right medium and encouragement too!) no one can be good at drawing even if they have talent. 

Just like the loop de loop. A strong loop structure won't ensure you'll be able to make one whole loop and land safely on the ground without the right speed and force. But even with the right speed and force, a weak loop would still send you crashing to the ground.

Little Things

First week of holiday was okay. Somehow, it felt longer than it was supposed to. It felt like two weeks has passed. If this goes on it should be good because then I will feel like I've spent 4 months of holiday instead of two by the end of this semester break :3

Artsy little me has been very active lately. I spent hours of drawing and colouring. I uploaded some of them on my Facebook and Deviantart. I am happy. I used to hate colouring so much because I suck at it, but now I kinda love it because the end results make me happy. 

This is a fan art of Jack Frost (my boyfriend) from Rise of the Guardians. If only I was good at drawing backgrounds this picture would've turned out nicer. I really want to improve my shading techniques and my colouring skills. And if someone was kind enough to teach me about perspective, I would be most honoured!

I'm still waiting for the mood to start my doodle-sticker project. Until then.

Double D

Isn't it sad when all you want is for someone to hold you and ease the pain away, but there's nothing anyone can do because you're strapped up on a hospital bed with broken thigh bones and you can't even express what you feel because you can't talk. It's heartbreaking :'(

According to the latest update, it was the nursery caretaker's careless mistake. GOD knows what happened to the poor child. Her sister had a large bruise on her cheek, which the doctor had pointed out to be a pinch mark. We all assumed it was child abuse. When the police asked them, they said they knew nothing. Only GOD knows what happened to the two little kids. 

Justice will find a way, sooner or later.

Get well soon baby Dahlia :(

101.8

My new year has finally begun. It's semester break at last! So far the plan was to finish reading all the books I bought from Big Bad Wolf, do a little doodle project, play some games and find some good music to listen to. I'm currently on my third book out of 5, haven't started on any doodle project, haven't played any games, and have been listening to a Chinese radio station since last night. 

Yes a Chinese radio station you did not read that wrongly. 

I got bored last two nights I guess, mainly because I couldn't sleep due to those sleepless nights trying to finish assignments now my biological clock is disturbed again. I decided that my playlists weren't appealing to how I'm feeling at the moment. I tuned in to my phone's radio, tried listening to Fly FM and Hitz, but they keep playing all those upbeat club techno music that I don't prefer to listen to at 2 a.m in the middle of the night. Plus, Fly FM keeps repeating that new Bruno Mars song that I don't like, like three times a day I think! I tried looking for Lite FM or whatever station that plays some soothing music but I couldn't. I suck at looking for radio channels because I rarely listen to the radio. Usually I'd listen to the radio when I'm in the car, which is inevitable. 

So as I switched in-between channels, I decided to stop at 101.8, which is My FM. The first two songs that I listened to immediately caught my attention. I got stuck straight away. You know what I did? I recorded the songs that I would like to listen to later, and then went up on google and tried to transcribe the lyrics from the part that I recorded, and searched the title of the song from those lyrics. I succeeded. And I didn't even understand what the lyrics meant ha ha ha. 

Now I've got a new playlist to listen to. Well done Atiqah.

Anomaly

Just a simple post and begone with me. I'd love to be home right now back with my sketchbook and colouring pencils. Saying that makes me sound like a child but that's the truth; and that's how I'm planning to spend the rest of my holidays apart from reading all the books my family bought from Big Bad Wolf. 

Luluhana celebrated her belated birthday party last night, and it was something I personally needed for myself. A life. I told you so many times how hectic this semester was. Last night I stayed up and went full blast on myself trying to finish my Research Proposal. In approximately 24 hours I managed to finish what others took a week. If I had done this earlier I wouldn't have pressured myself so much. And if I hadn't absent-mindedly deleted one assignment that I've completed without submitting, my life would have been a lot less difficult than what I went through yesterday and today. I had to redo one whole article review, and at one point I totally gave up on myself. How unlucky.

I owe myself a packet of Super Ring for celebration. I bought myself a packet of Cheezel instead. Darn you 99 Speedmart for not selling Super Ring. I got Sociolinguistics paper tomorrow. The final hurdle for this semester. I haven't studied anything yet. Wish me luck.

A childish post

It's so hard to write things nowadays. People around me have been talking about things that make people what they are now. I know I had a happy childhood, but that's all I know about my childhood. I don't know if that's a problem, but it bugs me. I can't tell people about my childhood because it makes me feel uncomfortable. There's this uncertainty every time, as if I'm not sure about my own childhood haha. 

Okay see I told you. I even have trouble writing it down. I wanted to beautifully put it in words how I was when I was little, but I can't because err I dunno because I feel uncomfortable about it. Trust me it took me one hour to write until this sentence right here :|

I took an online ADHD test because I was curious. Of course, to get accurate results I took more than one tests from different websites. The results were either possibly mild attention and concentration problems or moderate attention problem. Just to be safe I asked my roommate to take the test as well and she also got mild attention problem. We concluded that most people nowadays have mild attention problems because of the internet. 

Do you know I have a hyperactive body? I can't stop my hands or feet from moving even when I'm sitting. In class, when there's nothing I can do but sit, my hands will move about; either it's drawing, writing, playing with the pen, etc. When it's cold and I have to hide my hands to keep warm, I will unintentionally shake my feet. Or just fidget about restlessly. You can quietly observe me if you don't believe this.

I say I take down notes in class because it's easier for me to remember later on. Actually, that's just part of it. The reason is because I just need to write. My hands need to do something. I think it's out of habit, but yeah. I have this odd habit if you live with me under one roof you'll know. It has bad effects on one part of my skin but I can't help it because it's been a habit since I was a baby. Yes it involves my hand. I've tried to stop once but with no avail. Mom told me to stop once but to no avail. I don't know what my husband would think when I get married.

See I'm just human I'm imperfect go away don't marry me ha ha.