29.12.11

Telur Tiga Suku

Last night there was this little conversation between me and my little sister Lily. It went like this:

Lily: Kakak, boleh ke makan telur tak masak? 

Me: Boleh je kalau kau tahan.

Lily: Adik nak makanlah. Maa, buatkan adik telur tiga suku!

Mak: Amboii, mak tengah sibuk buat kerja ni!

Lily: Alaa, buat laa.. Adik nak makan telur tiga suku.

Me: Lily! Tak payah mintak bukan-bukan malam-malam ni. Orang banyak kerja nak buat!

Lily: Alaaa...

Tapi dia terus je diam lepastu, and kitorang tengok cerita 3 Idiots dengan gembira.


Keesokan paginya, aku baru lepas mandi and Lily baru je bangun dari tidur.

Lily: Maa, buatkan adik telur tiga suku.

Me: -____-"

Mak: *diam je*


All is well.

28.12.11

I Is Happy

Haritu masa balik kampung 3 hari dua malam, banyak benda nak cerita. Bukan nak cerita sangat lah, lebih kepada banyak benda yang terlintas di fikiran. Tapi sekarang dah takde mood nak tulis pasal semua benda-benda tu. Semalam pergi Bukit Cerakah dengan family. Takde apa sangat pun situ, kecuali rumah 4 musim yang sekarang tengah musim sejuk. Masuk semalam dah 3 kali pergi. Dua kali pergi dengan housemates. Tapi pergi dengan family jugak paling seronok. Mungkin sebab semalam jalan kaki je dengan adik aku dari tempat tunggu bas sampai rumah 4 musim tu. Tunggu bas macam hampeh lama -___-" 

Ohh ya, ada sekor burung kakak tua ni yang menarik perhatian aku dan adik beradik aku. Dia boleh cakap 'HELLO' dan 'ASSALAMUALAIKUM' dan 'APA KHABAR', boleh joget bila kitorang pasang lagu, terlampau cerdik. Rasa nak bela. 

Lepastu, adik aku belanja mekdi malam tadi. Walaupun aku rasa bersalah, tapi sebab aku jahat aku order paling mahal muahaha. Tenkiu adik. 

Ni adik yang belanja. Yang kiri tu. Kanan tu kakak yang jahat haha. Dan pendek, shit.

Ze family. Sorang gi berak, haha. Tapi bukan aku. Aku ambik gambar =,=

Adik yang berak kekekekeke.

Perempuan malu-malu beruk.

Okdahbaaaaiiii !

26.12.11

I'm a warrior

 


I wanna be a warrior who can fight away the pain.
The pain that is you.

Lukisan dikala bosan takde internet connection. Lukisan waktu depress sorang-sorang tanpa sebab haha. Second artwork is actually meant for someone. Lepas borak dengan kau kat telefon tetiba dapat ilham lukis lelaki aneh ni. Aku harap kau sedar diri kau siapa hehehehe. Chiaow!

24.12.11

Tahu Yang Tak Tahu

Dia duduk menghadap tingkap kaca yang separa terkuak itu, menongkat dagu dengan tangan kirinya di atas meja kayu tempat dia bergelumang dengan ilmu. Hujan di luar turun renyai-renyai. Awan mendung menyelubungi bumi bagai memahami isi hatinya. Dia mengeluh kesal.


"Aku minta maaf."

"Maaf saja tak cukup. Hati aku sudah alah terhadap kata maaf." 


Lelaki di dalam memorinya itu kelihatan tak keruan seketika. Seperti mahu marah, seperti mahu mengucapkan sesuatu, dia juga tidak pasti. Yang pasti, airmatanya sudah mengalir deras membasahi pipi. Walaupun minda egonya meronta-ronta agar tangisan itu berhenti, namun ia tewas dengan emosi yang lebih menguasai.


"Tolong bagi aku lagi satu peluang."

"Peluang apa lagi yang kau mahu? Berapa kali peluang telah kau sia-siakan selama ini? Berapa kali lagi kau mahu seksa hati aku?"

"Aku sedar aku salah. Aku sedar selama ini aku banyak buat kau terluka. Aku minta kau maafkan aku, dan aku akan perbaiki semua kesilapan aku. Aku janji!"


Hujan lebat yang turun membasahi bercampur bersama airmatanya, menyembunyikan riak luka di wajahnya. Dia pilu mendengar ungkapan dari mulut lelaki itu. Sebak dan pilu.


"Aku tak percaya lagi pada janji kau, atau janji siapa-siapa pun. Janji itu dicipta untuk dimungkiri, bukan ditepati."




"Tolonglah...bagi aku satu lagi peluang."




"Maafkan aku, tapi kau sudah terlambat. Terima kasih sebab hadir dalam hidup aku."


Sebenarnya dia ingin menambah "..dan terima kasih kerana hancurkan aku." tetapi tidak terluah dari kerongkong. Dia menatap wajah lelaki itu sayu, dan dia lihat setitis airmata jantannya jatuh ke bumi. Selamat tinggal.

"Kita semua pernah lakukan kesilapan, dan kita semua diberi peluang untuk baiki kesilapan itu. Namun tak semua gunakan peluang tersebut sebaiknya. Manusia selalu alpa, tanpa menyedari peluang yang berlalu pergi takkan datang kembali. Simpan airmatamu itu, tak guna kau sesali apa yang telah berlaku. Aku yang berhati batu adalah kerana perbuatanmu. Aku yang sekarang, yang tegar tetapi rapuh, adalah kerana luka yang kau palitkan pada aku. Parut ini takkan berlalu, kekal sebagai memori untukmu. Hentikan saja rayuanmu. Buang aku jauh dari ingatanmu, aku sudah temui kehidupan baru. Kehidupan tanpamu. Dan aku akan tersenyum untuk semua."






I've been singing for you all this while. Finally, I've found my own song.

23.12.11

Yesterday Was Hell

Eksaited tu mula-mula je. Lama-lama takde apa dah.

Saje je nak menulis. Esok balik kampung takde internet connection. Nanti kempunan pulak rindu internet. Haha. Actually tak heran pun hidup tanpa internet, tapi bila dah ada tu gunakanlah sepenuhnya kan? Kehkeh.




"I wanna be yours, but I'm afraid."

"Afraid of what? Me?"

"No. I'm afraid of uncertainties."




P/s: Sejak kebelakangan ni memang suka tulis benda-benda random. Sowi people, sowi.
P/s2: Seriously takde kena mengena antara hidup dan mati. Serious.

More Babies

Maybe I am over-thinking things.

Malam tadi akibat letih yang melampau, aku tidur semahu-mahunya. Kerana hakikat aku taknak ke kelas lagi pagi ni, aku tidur dan merehatkan diri setelah dua hari tak tidur dengan sempurna. Ada assignment nak kena siapkan, tapi pedulikan. Tidur lebih penting. Hahaha penat sampai macam tu sekali. 

Before I went to bed, though, I was skype-ing with a friend. Dia tunjuk kat aku video kanak-kanak yang comel, lepastu kitorang cakap pasal nak culik budak tu lah apa lah. And I remembered I said "Aku nak bayi sekarang. Bagilah aku bayi sekarang." something like that. Sebenarnya aku mengantuk, and aku cakap macam tu tanpa berfikir. Bila aku fikir balik, sebenarnya it sounds wrong to be asking for a baby like that hahaha. Macam orang desperate pulak =___=

Yang sebenarnya, aku suka kanak-kanak. Aku teringin nak bela sorang baby yang aku boleh tengok hari-hari. Sayang hari-hari. Tapi after 6 or seven years is a different story. 

Anyway, yang aku nak sampaikan sebenarnya adalah, malam tadi aku mimpi. Mimpi tu realistik sebab aku terlalu penat. Dalam mimpi tu aku mengandung, taktau siapa ayah dia, tapi aku mengandung. Hahaha. I was so happy in that dream, by the way. Mungkin sebab dalam mimpi, bolehlah gembira taktau siapa ayah kehkehkeh. 

Orang kata kalau mimpi mengandung tandanya murah rezeki. Aku pun harap sangat macam tulah. Tapi ada kemungkinan jugak aku mimpi macam tu sebab kan perbualan antara aku dengan kawan aku tu. 

Siapa taknak bayi bagi sini meh.


Nothing

"I have died everyday waiting for you..."




"You're annoying."

"And you're disgusting. You're the most nosy guy I've ever met!"

"Oh yeah? Do you really think so?"

"Hundred percent positive!"

"Well you're gonna have to bear with that. I'm gonna be around for awhile."





"Why do you always annoy the shit out of me? Can't you just leave me alone?!"

"As a matter of fact, I can. But I don't think you'll manage."

"What shit is that? I'm doing just fine without you."

"Fine. Goodbye."





"How's life?"

"Good. How about you?"

"Fine. Never been any better."

"Good to hear that."





"Maybe I didn't want you to go."

"Maybe it's already too late."

21.12.11

That Man



"Sometimes I think the sad songs were written for me..."

He was sitting in his room alone and facing the white canvas again. His hand busy dancing on the canvas with a brush, a palate of colour mixtures on the other. He could spend hours, maybe even days, doing all this. The paint had always been his medium of expressing his emotions. Whether were they pain, regret, disappointment, the paint always made him happy.

"We have to stop seeing each other."

He could still see those deep, sad eyes looking into his. They pierced into him like needles. They tore into his heart like a knife. That beautiful face that always looked pale, he secretly wished he could make them glow. His hand danced gracefully on the stained canvas. Stained with the colours of his heart. After a few strokes of his brush, a picture of those sad eyes were looking at him from the canvas. The same deep eyes. 

"You have always been my laughter machine. You never failed to make me happy."

There was a smile on her lips. A very painful smile. It wasn't painful because she did not mean it, it was painful because it was the truth. A painful truth for him as well. He still remembered how he felt as if his heart was beating very slowly. And as slow as the rhythm of his heart, his hand slowly painted those smile on the canvas. The smile he wished would never disappear.

"My parents want me to marry him."

            "Do you love him?"

                            "No."

    "Then, who do you really love?"

He still remembered the tears rolling down her cheeks and onto the ground below. He didn't like to see her that way, but there was nothing he could do. His heart was broken to pieces as well. He wanted to break down, but he didn't want her to see his tears. However, there, in front of the canvas, he didn't mind to shed his manly tears. Even though the beautiful picture forming in front of him was the same replica of that woman in his memories, he didn't mind if he cried now. She would never know his pain. Those eyes, although they were looking straight into him, they could not see his despair.

"You...I love you..."

He put down the brush and palate onto a small table underneath his work place and stood up. A portrait of a beautiful young lady was beaming towards him. She wore the most beautiful smile ever, and her eyes glowered with happiness. He couldn't help but smile back as he wiped the tears off his cheek. He loved to draw her that way. He loved to make the pale face look as bright as the sunshine. If he could, he would make it stay. 

"Goodbye..."

But he was not for her. She was never his. 

"I hope you'll take care of yourself. Don't forget to smile when I'm gone. One day if you look back, I hope you remember me as that man who used to paint you with happiness."

Her smile will always be his.

*Entah kenapa dan dari mana :) *

100th

Maaflah kalau sejak kebelakangan ni post emo emo. I am in a very fragile state.


Because this is my 100th post, I should post something significant I guess. Lets see....
I have no one special to dedicate this special post to, except for Jong Hoon baby, aww I love you handsome :') hahaha



Tapi tak fair dedicate dekat dia sorang je sebab aku sayang FT Island sama rata wuwuwu so I love you Treasure babies :'D hahaha. Tolong doakan aku dapat duit dari langit untuk pergi konsert diorang 14 Januari nanti please pretty please *mata bersinar-sinar* ! 

Sebab tak nak sedih-sedih, jadi gedik gedik dalam tulisan kali ni. Valid reason, right? Hahaha. I think I should go to sleep. Last night I only slept for an hour. Qada' tidur bak kata orang, haha. Busy days ahead. Very busy days. Byebye.


from Warner Music Japan's channel

20.12.11

99th post is not healthy

Wahai pembaca budiman, dipersilakan tekan butang X kat bucu sebelah atas kanan kalau taknak rasa negatif dan annoyed lepas baca entri ni. Sebenarnya takpayah baca please tolonglah takpayah.

#np - Frankenstein's Monster & Magneto's Theme Song, X-Men First Class OST. On replay.

Dah lama tak rasa marah sebab pekara yang kukuh. Pedulik laa benda tu takde kena-mengena dengan aku pun, tapi aku rasa rugi lah belajar tinggi-tinggi pergi overseas semua ni tapi jadi bodoh. Kau ni culture shock sebenarnya. Atau senang cerita kau lupa Tuhan. I'd do anything to be in your shoes, minus your stupidity. Huh!

Tak fahamlah kenapa kena post benda-benda marah ni dekat facebook. Buat orang macam aku jadi emo. Lepastu habis semua benda aku nak marah. Lepastu facebook ni macam b*bi jugak tiba tiba, haishoooo -__-" *gives middle  finger* Whyy laa everything wanna make me mad at the same time ?!


Why I write this? Because I feel like exploding already!!

Okay kanak-kanak, sila keluar ikut pintu sebelah kanan -___-" . Dah keluar jangan bawak apa-apa dari dalam ni keluar sama ya? Hmm.

Why U No?

Extremely quick update before I go to class.

Somebody gave me something new to listen to. That's one good thing on top of all the not-good things. Minggu ni ternyata memang bukan minggu paling bagus bagi aku. Got no money, got loads of work, but no means of making myself happy. Cepatlah minggu ni berlalu, aku tak kisah kalau terpaksa berhadapan dengan final exam daripada minggu yang sibuk ni.

Okdahbai.

18.12.11

Lagi dan lagi

Hai. Nama saya Tiq Hashim. Saya berumur 20 tahun 2 bulan hari ini. Saya anak sulung dari empat adik beradik yang penyayang. Saya tak suka marah-marah. Saya baik sanadd sanadd. Puiihh!

Takde kerja. Serious takde kerja haha. Ekceli emosi tak stabil lagi. Baru lepas telefon seseorang dan secara tiba tiba semua perasaan bercampur baur datang macam tsunami. Gedebushh amik kau! Baru ingat nak baca buku untuk test esok. Hmmm. Taktau nak rasa menyesal ke apa telefon orang tu. Tapi aku gembira sebenarnya, lama tak dengar khabar hahaha.

Hai orang, hebat lah kau ni. 

Sebenarnya tak faham dengan diri sendiri. Pelik pun ada. Aneh pun ada. Kadang-kadang boleh kawal apa yang kita rasa, kadang-kadang tak faham dengan perasaan sendiri. Kadang-kadang yakin yang aku tengah gembira, tapi tetiba nangis (hiperbola je harap maklum hahaha). Pernah rasa macam tu? Ke memang aku yang alien ni?

Taklahh aku gerenti ramai orang pernah macam tu. Ayat sedapkan hati. Haha.

Tak boleh ke hidup macam orang normal kejap? Kejap je.

Baby Baby Baby Ooo

Please lah tengok ni pleaseeeee !



Rasa nak mati sejuta lima ratus tujuh puluh enam kali :'D Soooo comell! Wuwuwuwu. Kenapalah kau dilahirkan comel budak ! And thank you Paan for drawing this portrait of her :D . Hehehe . Jeles dengan orang berbakat ni. Haishooo. Bila nak hebat macam ni?

17.12.11

If

Bila dah berjaya tulis satu entri, lepastu mesti rasa nak tulis banyak banyak entri hahahaha tamak tamak :P

My housemate dreamt of something this morning. And I was in that dream, as her main subject. Mimpi tu kelakar sebenarnya, tapi menusuk ke ladang gandum. Hahaha. Buat aku berfikir 10 juta kali walaupun time dia cerita aku gelak-gelak gembira. Well, who knows kan mungkin mimpi dia tu petanda buat aku? Muehehe :P

Choices aren't easy. Things in the past are your teachers. I, am afraid. I am afraid of making the wrong decision. Sebab tu lah, aku taknak buat apa-apa decision pun sekarang. Let time decide. My heart has been broken well enough. The best thing would be to let it heal first. 

"The most honest person is a child and a drunk." - Jumpa ni kat mana ntah tadi, lupa pulak. 

If I could have one wish, I would wish to become a child once more and tell you everything inside. If I was allowed to drink alcohol, I would get drunked one time and tell you everything I feel. 

P/s: FYI, I am not a child and I am not drunk right now, therefore I might not be honest in this post miahihi

Stop For Awhile

#np - Yesterday by The Beatles

Here goes nothing...

Tengahari tadi aku follow ibubapa pergi membeli-belah barang keperluan sekolah adik-adik. Sambil diorang dok pilih kasut sekolah, aku pandang je muka gembira diorang, almaklumlah nak dapat barang baru lah katakan. 

There were a lot of things that I noticed, like Wani's shoe size and uniform colours. I intentionally tried on one of her shoes, and guess what? It fits nicely. She's just 12, but I can fit into her shoes. Ni sebenarnya aku yang mengecil ke apa ni -___-" ?? Tahun depan dia dah mula alam sekolah menengah. Entah kenapa aku rasa takut untuk dia. Aku teringat macam-macam benda yang aku lalui masa zaman aku dulu, and aku tau dia pun akan lalui benda yang sama. Cume aku harap dia tak lakukan kesilapan-kesilapan yang aku pernah buatlah. Please be strong little sister.

And Lily. Rasa macam baru bulan lepas je dia belajar merangkak, berjalan, bercakap. Rasa macam baru minggu lepas pertama kali tengok dia ketawa. Eh, dah nak darjah satu dah? How you've grown, little sunshine :) And I was wondering, will you still be the Lily that always makes me smile when I'm sad, the Lily that keeps bugging me to let you watch Matluthfi's video on youtube, and the Lily who LOVES to annoy me when you're bored and when I'm watching TV -___-" 

Thinking of all this makes me feel old. In a few more years, I'm gonna have to leave family and start a life of my own. All the things I've never done before, I'm gonna have to do it. I've never liked uncertainties. Never. Time, why you move so fast??

16.12.11

Hi Stalker

I wanna write about something. But knowing there's SOMEONE reading your blog obsessively, makes you feel kinda.. err, shy perhaps? Wuwuwuwu -____-"

Kan dah cakap, I'm an extremely shy person. Lainkali kalau baca blog orang jangan bagitau hahahaha :D 

15.12.11

Artcreative


Cantik tak? Ini bukan aku lukis. Ini serious terkejut terkejut. Tiba tiba je dah ada, eh? Hahaha. Ada orang baik hati lukis diam diam. Tapi cantik. Lukisan ni cantik, perempuan tu biasa je. Cuba teka siapa perempuan tu? Hehehehe :P

P/s: Dah taktau dah apa yang aku rasa sebenarnya hahaha. 

Mix Tapes

It's been like what, a month? I guess so, though it only seemed like yesterday. Things with a lot of memories always don't seem to want to let you go, no matter how hard you run. But luckily I'm doing well with moving on. 

I don't like it when people put pressure on me when I'm confused and unsure. I don't want to make the wrong choice. I don't want to fall down hard again. 

Suddenly I feel like having a mix tape so I can give it to people so that they know how I feel about them. Mix tapes are cool. They look old school. And they are just cool. Hihi.

Rasa macam nak tukar pergi fakulti lain. Rasa macam nak pergi belajar kat induk tetiba.

14.12.11

Oh Baby Baby Jangan....

Sebab dah lama tak update maka tak dosa lah kan kalau update dua post dalam masa sehari. Sebenarnya takde apa nak cakap pun. Saje nak meluahkan perasaan yang terbuku di hati. Suara rockstar masih belum pulih lagi, and sekarang tambah dengan batuk pulak tanpa henti. Not funny at all -___-"

Anyway, tadi family pergi Wet World untuk mengeratkan silaturrahim sesama keluarga. Nenek, cousin2, makcik, semua ada. Aku je takde huwuuuu :'(

Paling tak kelakar, lepas dah balik dari bergembira, pegy tag gambar bayi comel kesayangan aku tengah mandi-manda kat facebook aku. Ini paling tak kelakar. Serious aku depressed kejap tadi. Tengok sendiri ya why I say it so...





Half of me died when I saw the third picture :') wuwuwuwu. Lainkali please jangan bawak bayi ni pergi berekreasi please. Or or or, kalau bawak pun please jangan tag gambar kat aku pleaseee! Geram gilaaaaa because I wasn't there and I only got to see pictures of her, obviously having fun! 

Hmm depressed balik dah. I miss you already, baby Ainul :'(

P/s: Ntah bila tekak ni nak sembuh. Seminggu dah ni :\

13.12.11

Don't Fall In Love




"...Don’t ever love
Heartbreak will surely come
It hurts to even breathe
I thought that this would only hurt
as much as I loved
But I was wrong.
It hurts a thousand times more


I’m afraid of living with my eyes open
Because I know I won’t see you even if I look for you
It seems better to fall asleep exhausted
After longing for you..."

7.12.11

Aunty Rockstar

Jarang Tiq update kan sekarang? Jarang macam gigi adik itteww yang bernama Lily. Kekeke. Kalau nak tahu perkembangan terbaru, sekarang I dah jadi rockstar. Yes, sebab I dah bersuara garau sekarang. Dalam erti kata lain, I hilang suara hahaha. Siot je. Haritu semorang batuk batuk hilang suara, harini sampai jugak giliran aku. Tak suka sebab buat aku rasa low self-esteem bila nak cakap dengan orang. Tapi best sebab suara macam rockstar hahaha.

Tapi itu je aku nak cerita. Paling siot kan? Hahaha :P Sorry lah, tak tahu lah nak cakap pasal apa sekarang. My life has been less exciting nowadays. Tunggu cuti-cutilah baru ada perkara gembira kot. Oh, except for the fact ada bayi dekat rumah sewa sekarang :D ! Itu je perkara paling gembira berlaku dalam hidup kami housemate sekalian sekarang ni. Taknak bagitau bayi tu siapa punya, tapi ada bayi yang keletah dan petah berceloteh. Ah, rezeki bayi. Tolonglah tinggal dengan kami selama-lamanya, dan jangan membesar hahaha.