There is no point really, in doing this. But since there is no point in doing anything, what difference does it make at all?

Screw. I erased everything I wanted to actually say here. I'm just a depressed, confused, unhappy and sad little girl.



Paada suatu hari, saya duduk menonton TV di rumah bersama adik. Adik hendak tengok kartun, saya hendak tengok drama bersiri Korea. Nasib baik rumah ada dua TV. Jadi saya tengok dekat TV satu lagi. Tiba-tiba mama datang, suruh saya pergi pasar beli ikan, sayur dan telur. Dia beri saya RM50, lalu saya pun berjalan kaki pergi pasar Seksyen 24. Di pasar saya bertemu dengan kawan saya Meimei. Dia membeli daging lembu dan sayur-sayuran. Dia kata sayur sedikit mahal kerana baru-baru ini selalu hujan. Selepas membeli ikan, sayur dan telur, saya berjalan pulang bersama Meimei. Di simpang, Meimei ucap selamat tinggal kepada saya. Saya masuk ke rumah.

Ni skrip drama Mandarin saya. Ha ha ha


Peringatan untuk aku dan kita

Banyaknya perkara nak kena fikir. Rasa dewasa betul. Nak mengeluh pun dah rasa tak layak. Usia macam ni memang banyak tanggungjawab pun, dan bukan kau sorang je ada semua tanggungjawab tu, orang lain lagi banyak tanggungjawab dari kau. Bila rasa fed up terpaksa lah tampal wajah plastik konon-konon masih positif terhadap kehidupan. Tapi jauh mana nak tipu diri sendiri? Tak boleh nak tipu pun.

Akhirnya kena jugak yakinkan diri, betulkan topeng dekat muka tadi dan cuba jalani hidup dengan sepositif yang mungkin. Semua tu tanggungjawab. Amanah. Nak taknak kau kena jugak buat. Nak cuba lari pun kau nak lari ke mana? Sampai bila nak berkurung dalam minda kanak-kanak yang kau rasa sayang nak lepas tu? Nak duduk main game seharian, jauhkan diri dari masalah, tapi sampai bila? In the end kau kena jugak mengadap benda tu. Selagi benda tu tak selesai, selagi tulah dia jadi beban yang buat hidup kau sentiasa tak tenang. 

Orang selalu kata, bila kau buat benda yang kau suka, apa pun yang kau buat takkan rasa macam satu tanggungjawab atau beban, sebaliknya jadi sekadar satu aktiviti harian yang menggembirakan. Aku teringin nak rasa keterujaan tu. Tapi benda yang aku suka bukan prioriti dalam hidup aku sekarang. Mungkin suatu hari nanti? Aku tak tahulah. Sejauh yang aku nampak, benda yang aku akan lalui memang takkan rasa macam satu aktiviti harian yang aku teruja nak buat dengan penuh rela hati. Macam mana aku nak ubah benda tu? Memang aku kena terus pura-pura ke, atau aku kena buat perubahan drastik yang banyak risiko dan mungkin mempengaruhi banyak aspek dalam hidup aku?


The Story of Pipuk: Princess

Nowadays she would prefer sleeping on the carpet or the sofa, or simply anything comfortable enough (like our laps) as long as it's inside the house. 

I was watching TV this morning and all of a sudden somebody changed the channel. I thought it was mom, so I let it be because I really wasn't interested with what I was watching. But suddenly mom asked me 

"Who's changing the channels?"

And I turned, a bit surprised, and I saw Pipuk sitting on the remote controller while trying to play with the corner end of a cushion -____-"


The Story of Pipuk: A Journal

Today I missed Pipuk so much I doodled cats all day long; in class, after class, in my head, etc. I found some random blank-paged notebook again (because I have a lot but I never use them -__-) and decided to make a journal for Pipuk. A doodle-based journal that - I must admit - was inspired by Pusheen

The thing that bugs me is that I am so enthusiastic in making a journal for my pet cat but I have no interest at all in completing an assignment journal that I was supposed to submit last two weeks.

Maybe, madam, you should let me doodle for my journal next time? Okay? No? Awh.



I watched Skyfall yesterday with my housemates at Space U8 in Bukit Jelutong. Midnight movie was nice. A lot of unexpected (not to mention awkward) scenes, plots and characters. Especially the bad guy. Silva was a great villain and a lot of people say he's the best villain among all the villains in the Bond series. I agree. Psychotic and heartless and intelligent, the usual, except he wasn't bad ass. Haha because he is a bit cartoon-ish. Bahasa Melayu dia 'pondan' LOL.

Well to those who haven't watched the movie I think you should see for yourself why.

After movie we went for some late night supper at Asia Cafe in Subang. My first time here but I didn't order anything because I was too tired I guess. My friends ate chicken chop and black peppered chicken. I loved the black pepper chicken. The place was a combination of mamak and a little bit of William's. The common thing about these three is that they're all CROWDED! 

I don't dislike crowded places I think. I mean, I went to a concert once and I was okay with it. I exceptionally dislike crowded eating areas. There's just too many people. When I eat I want to be calm and I want to enjoy my food. I don't want to have to think about where to sit or where to look or where to put my feet or when will I be able to eat my food because the queue was too long! 

Actually I also don't like crowded shopping malls, like Ikea last Tuesday. 

Aaaand pasar malam and bazaars and traffic jams. Ha ha. 


The Story of Pipuk: Her Eyes

It's been two weeks since Pipuk became apart of our family. Everyone has begun to become fond of her (Yes it's a she!). Even mother who has always been the one to dislike cats all this while seems to treat Pipuk like her very own baby. I'm glad for that, though not everyone seem to want to attend to her every time she poops except for mother and me.

Going back to my parent's home last weekend, I found some good things and some not so good things about her. Apparently, she gained weight while I was away, which means she was taken cared with much love by my family members. The not so good thing was that she didn't seem to be very well. Mother said she poops a lot and earlier this afternoon she pooped with blood. Her anus is swollen, so I'm worried and we're all worried but we don't know what to do. My friends who are cat owners say that it must have something to do with the food we gave her. Zue said I should try feeding her with milk again. Poor Pipuk :(

But despite all that, she seems happy. She's very clingy and playful and so adorable. A lot of other people who has seen her says she's beautiful. My classmate said she has mysterious eyes. Her eyes are kinda grey-ish blue, and with her smoky white striped fur she looks perfectly fine. We don't confine her inside her cage all day anymore. We let her explore the perimeters of our home, and when she's tired she would either return to sleep in her cage or sleep some other place she sees comfortable. Sometimes she would snuggle into her blanket (which used to be Lily's napkin when she was a baby) that we left on the table outside. Sometimes she would sleep on my lap when I wrap her with the blanket and cuddle her. She sleeps like a baby.

Grow up soon, baby Pipuk. Grow up well and healthy!

Of heart things

"Biasalah tu ada crush crush ni."

"Tapi saya bukan budak sekolah lagi."

"Kenapa budak sekolah je boleh ada crush?"

Takpe, belum grad lagi. Hihi. 

I don't mind the pain of looking at someone you like from afar. At lease it doesn't hurt as much as having that someone but still feeling hurt and everything. Y'know what I mean?

I'm enjoying Ailee's new song "I'll Show You". She's beautiful, and I think she has a nice vocal compared to other Korean female singers. I put her vocal on the same level with Hongki from FT Island, minus the unique-ness. 

Hmmm, sampai situ jelah. Rasa macam ada writer's block pulak urghh.



Sometimes I think my blog is some sort of an escapism medium. I know I don't prefer to talk to people about my petty little dilemmas and stuff, and tweeting about them would expose me to too much public, so I run to my blog to rant all the yada yada things. And here I am, just because I think less people read my blog other than the people close to me. I think. I hope so. Uhh, presumably. 

For the past two weeks I have been feeling a little antisocial, shutting myself away from other people for a reason I myself don't have. I didn't feel like talking to anyone about anything, and I didn't want to be there for anybody. I just wanted to be with myself. I did feel like a bad friend, because I have been a bad listener during the past two weeks as well. The problem is at that time, I didn't want to listen or talk. Ntahlah, I don't know why.

It was a relief the mid semester break came in between that time because I met with family.  Family always heals me emotionally (well not all the time *shrugs*). And although I caught fever AGAIN for the third time in a month duration, I feel hmm thankful. No more fever for me please, I've been trying to take good care of my health by leading a healthy lifestyle these days. I try not to eat too much fast food, I eat my veggies and I go jogging with my family every weekend. I hope this is helping me in a way.

And now I'm back to life. Today, I talked with my housemates catching up with the latest stuffs and issues. Most of the parts I only listened to their stories/problems and tried to offer some good advice. So you know, basically my day today, apart from classes, was filled with conversations. Some were deep and some were random. And apparently not a single fuck was given work was done. You should know that after the mid semester break, work piles up as if tomorrow would be the end of the world. 

So I'm not really happy about it. 

But I am, anyway, because I realized that I miss my friends. Talking with them brightened my mood. And that's why I forgot about work ha!

Aaaaaaaaaaaaa it's already 1a.m D: *sighs* There goes my sleep for this week.





Masih belum terasa mamahan waktu yang tidak pernah tidak cemburu terhadap manusia. Tatkala berbaring di ruang kamar, membenamkan diri dengan senaskhah novel yang berat initipatinya, yang isinya berkisarkan kehidupan seorang wanita moden yang sudah lebih separuh abad usianya, mencuba menganalisa di mana kesilapan dalam membuat perhitungan penting dalam hidup sehingga anak bujang tunggalnya tergamak melakukan jenayah juvana yang tak mungkin dimaafkan. Aku jadi terfikir; kenapa perlu memperbesar sesuatu yang pada akarnya tidak seharusnya diperbesarkan? Apalah salahnya menjalani kehidupan yang normal, yang tidak perlu terlalu dramatik tetapi tidak terlalu hambar? Mengapa harus mengukir laluan yang sukar sedangkan kau ada pilihan untuk melalui laluan yang sama namun dengan lebih mudah?

Lalu satu suara jauh di sudut minda aku mula mengetuk benak fikiran. Perlahan-lahan dia keluar, cuba untuk memberi hujah bertentangan, cuba untuk meneutralkan satu sisi pendapatku yang jelas skeptikal agar pandanganku kembali neutral. 

Hidup ini seperti sup. Ada pelbagai rencah dan rempah yang harus ditambah sebelum sup itu dapat dinikmati dengan seenaknya. Kalau hendak dibandingkan sup aku dengan sup orang lain, mungkin sup aku termasuk dalam kategori "yang biasa-biasa" sahaja. Mungkin sup orang lain yang ada banyak jenis rencah dan ramuan tambahan itu lebih sedap rasanya. Tapi bagi aku "yang biasa-biasa" inilah keindahan. Sup aku mungkin kurang pada orang lain, tetapi Ani Sup Utara memang enak bagi aku. Dan itu rahsia yang ingin aku cari tahu.