Sitting in the middle of people, your own voice drowned by the noises they make and the sound of their laughter, and even when you try to speak it didn't matter because they are laughing at you. You're the joke. You're the funny one. And in the end all you can do is smile and join them laughing at yourself, pretending you're amused.

And then you stand up and exit the room, and lock yourself up and convince yourself not to cry. They were just kidding. It's just a joke and it just happens that YOU'RE the joke.

It hurts more when you're in the middle of people and you still feel alone. As if you're existing in another different dimension. You do anything you can and people still try all they can to point out your faults and your flaws. Am I missing something here?

At this point I'm starting to doubt myself. I'm too insecure to handle this. I don't mind not receiving any recognition for the things I did that you people asked me to help when you needed me, but not this. I mean, the money you forgot to pay me, and for my work that you claim to be yours, nah. I can look past that. But trying to make me look like a fool in front of other people? No.

The reason I keep distance from people is because I'm tired of being treated like this. Being the kind of person who can't easily fit in every where she goes is already hard enough. Having people whom you've known since forever making you feel like shit is really just a pile of bullshit indeed. 

I enjoy being alone mostly because I'm used to it. But sometimes I need people too, and at times when I'm anticipating people and they make me feel like this I just wanna die. 

Or can I just be a mermaid?

1 comment:

Firdaus said...

Being a mermaid sounds good. But on a serious note, hang in there :D