Birthday Boss

25 June 2013.

The week has been depressing enough, she thought. Enough of the mourning, it's a special day today. The tin can that she spent a few days lovingly redecorating, patiently waiting for the paint to dry, was already finished. It wasn't perfect. The paint job was smudged here and there, but it was pretty enough. Somehow, she felt that the tin can - which used to contain delicious Danish cookies once - portrayed herself in a way.

The haze was thick outside. The IPU reading earlier that day in the news said that the area was in the dangerous level. School was closed. Not a lot of people can be seen on the streets. She, on the other hand, was getting ready to go out. Before she exited the house, she remembered to put on a face mask. Together with her younger sister, they walked to a hypermarket just across the area. It was freakishly warm it wasn't even funny. Everything within the eyesight was yellow and, obviously, hazy. Along the way, there was a house under renovation. 

"They're still working under this condition?" remarked the younger sister. She commented nothing and they walked along.

Because of the mask, she was sweating tremendously. Breathing became quite restricted not only by the haze but by the mask too. Walking felt like jogging. Luckily, the hypermarket was air-conditioned. After buying packets of chocolates and pistachios, they dropped by Secret Recipe to buy three slices of cake. The journey home wasn't any better.

Within the comfort of home at last, she got busy making a special bunting and arranging the goodies into the tin can. She helped her little sisters make cards and decorations for the cake. She made cut-out mustaches just for the fun of it. It was a special day after all.

And after all was finished, they waited patiently for the person to come home. She was the most anxious of all. This surprise party wasn't at all planned. She had just suddenly decided earlier that morning that she wanted to make this person happy on this special day. And it was all because of her own gloominess surrounding her lately.

At 6, the door opened and she could almost feel her heart burst. She was anxious. Was he going to like it? She walked around the house aimlessly, pretending to feel completely normal. Until he smiled and looked at her bunting with an expression of absolute content. 

She couldn't hold back the wonderful feeling swelling up inside her. She laughed happily and sang the birthday song loudly with her little sisters and her mother. 

"Happy birthday, Abah." She said with a girlish smile. All of a sudden, she felt like a little girl again. 

This is not a troll face I dunno why I look like this when I'm happy.



Sitting in the middle of people, your own voice drowned by the noises they make and the sound of their laughter, and even when you try to speak it didn't matter because they are laughing at you. You're the joke. You're the funny one. And in the end all you can do is smile and join them laughing at yourself, pretending you're amused.

And then you stand up and exit the room, and lock yourself up and convince yourself not to cry. They were just kidding. It's just a joke and it just happens that YOU'RE the joke.

It hurts more when you're in the middle of people and you still feel alone. As if you're existing in another different dimension. You do anything you can and people still try all they can to point out your faults and your flaws. Am I missing something here?

At this point I'm starting to doubt myself. I'm too insecure to handle this. I don't mind not receiving any recognition for the things I did that you people asked me to help when you needed me, but not this. I mean, the money you forgot to pay me, and for my work that you claim to be yours, nah. I can look past that. But trying to make me look like a fool in front of other people? No.

The reason I keep distance from people is because I'm tired of being treated like this. Being the kind of person who can't easily fit in every where she goes is already hard enough. Having people whom you've known since forever making you feel like shit is really just a pile of bullshit indeed. 

I enjoy being alone mostly because I'm used to it. But sometimes I need people too, and at times when I'm anticipating people and they make me feel like this I just wanna die. 

Or can I just be a mermaid?


Fly me

..to the moon and let me play among the stars..

This is Anabelle Luna.
It's a character I made up based on one of my fictional stories I've written.
First I decided she was Laura, but then I thought Luna was better on her character.
She's kind and helpful and sometimes very bubbly.
She loves to read magical fantasy story books.
She also loves classical music.
However, she is very shy around boys. 
Sometimes, she is overly paranoid about what people think about her.
Which makes her seem like she's trying too hard on everything.
But she's actually very simple.
Dislike things that complicate her life. 
Chocolate upsets her stomach.
Has a crush on a musician called Jupiter Altair.


"Do you know why we can't coexist? It's because I'm just a little moon, while you're the biggest planet in the Solar System."

"It's not my fault you're shining down for another little planet while all I can do is look at you from a planet away."

"What do you mean 'another little planet'? I'm not shining down for another little planet!"

"That was just a metaphor."

"Circling around you would be tiring, anyway."

"I'm the biggest planet in the Solar System, of course it would."

"Then I pity all those moons you have."

"And maybe that's why it's good you're not one of them."

Woaaahhh flash fiction!



I was about to write up another dramatic aggravated post until I thought, how cliche of myself. Soon you would be able to guess without me telling "This girl must be going through her end-of-semester moments." because yes, I am. 

I can't help myself getting all depressed about things. My grandpa's sick lately, and he's been admitted into the hospital. My parents have been returning to Pahang to visit him for two weekends now. Sadly for me, I've been busy for two weekends with work and stuff and didn't manage to visit him for myself. Things were quite bad, I heard. And that's what I've been doing; hearing things from other people, thanks to Facebook & Twitter and my phone line. 

However, I did some therapeutic things (at least I think they'e therapeutic). I drew stickers, I drew on my little self-made box-table, I drew on one of my plain white t-shirt, I drew in my sketchbook. Basically, drawing heals me. If only I can just draw all the time. I can't because of the loads of assignments I must finish. I realized yesterday, while drawing a large kuroneko on my box-table, that even if the saddest thoughts cross my mind, I feel nothing at all. There was only a swell of bliss inside me that's blocking out all the unhappy thoughts. If only I could just draw all the time!

Someone once said "Your eyes immediately sparkle when you get to draw."

I don't know how dull my eyes look like all the time, but, my eyes hardly lie. 


One set of McFly please.

*!Warning! Fan girl mode all the way*

At some point in this blog I will have to mention McFly because otherwise it will be unfair to them that I talk about FT Island all the time but not them. Well. I am now officially crazy over McFly. 

No they are not fast food they are four gorgeous hunk-a burning love. Lol!

I'm a bit late but who cares nobody cares I don't care I don't need to be an early fan just to like their music, aye? I have to admit I fell in love with them from their song Love Is Easy and I just thought "Oh God this song is catchy who the hell is singing it?!" so I googled them up, listened to a number of their other songs and immediately fell from cloud nine in love. 

Absolutely head over heels now, I don't understand why I lived in a different dimension from them in my life before. I should have met them earlier! Tsk.

McFly is a British pop-rock genre band, established in 2003 and still going. I'm not surprised why I like them at all. FT Island is a pop-rock band as well and now I see where I'm going. The only difference between McFly and FT Island is that I can understand McFly's songs without having to google up for lyric translations hahaha. In other aspects I love them both equally except that I have to dote over McFly more now because they are my 'new-born' babies :3

At the moment, I'm listening to It's All About You and sometimes Too Close For Comfort on repeat. There are a number of others that I like such as Transylvania, Ballad of Paul K and well obviously Love Is Easy. At least I have something to drool upon while waiting for FT Island to come up with new songs for my taste buds. 

Don't worry Jonghoon baby I still sketch fanarts of you in my notebooks.


Jebat Arjuna

"Rosman, oh my dear Rosman. Why lah are you Rosman? Dear dear, why do you have to be from the house of Hajah Mariam? My mother loathes her so much. It is impossible that we can be destined together. I love you, Rosman. A little or too much, no one can ever tell. But yes, I love you."


"I am done for. Is he without a scratch?"

"What, are you hurt Malik?"

"It's just a scratch, really, but I think I'm going to need a doctor. Would you please call 911?"

"You're not kidding? You said it's just a scratch."

"Yes, but although not deeper than a well neither as wide as a door can be opened, it was enough. Come tomorrow I will not be the same. I’ll be a doll without a soul and you shall find me a grave man, a fine one, to prepare my bed for my eternal slumber. And before I go, I want to know why in the world did you come between us!? I was hurt under your arms."


"Oh Julia, it’s been three hours now. I've been talking non-stop since I came in. Would you kindly wake up now so we can happily waltz out of here forever? I’m afraid the people outside would start to think that I’m going crazy over your death. O Julia, please wake up quickly."


For our Introduction to Shakespeare subject this semester, we have to conduct a Shakespearean based play. It's kinda like our final project. My class was divided into two groups and we're doing Romeo & Juliet and The Tempest. My group would be staging Rosman & Julia, an adaptation from Romeo & Juliet with a Malay interpretation. It will be held next Monday, 10th of June 2013 at the Dewan Resital Panca Sakti, UiTM Shah Alam from 6pm till 11pm. Ofcourse it would be awesome! 

I'm not one of the acting people though. I'm the music director. I'm gonna be controlling the background musics from the control room. And I made this poster up there. I'm really looking forward to this play. You can come if you like, to give us support! ADMISSION IS ABSOLUTELY FREE!


I rest my case

"You are declared guilty, and I hereby sentence you to 50 years of jail. Court dismissed."

When the gavel was brought down followed by the grim echoing of wood being struck, Daniel felt as if a heavy burden had been lifted from his shoulders. He walked out of the courtroom, still feeling slightly shaky from the intense battle he just had with the defense attorney, but he was glad, almost proud of himself. He had defeated one of the most well-known defense attorney who rarely lost a court case; Mikail Faith - his half brother.

In the lobby, it was Mikail who approached him first. Mikail who was taller gazed down at him with a stare that could penetrate through walls. 

"Nice luck, rookie. You really have a way of bluffing yourself to victory." he uttered mockingly. His tone was severe, and as soon as that voice escaped the mouth of its owner, it was as if everybody could feel a sudden drop of temperature all around. Daniel frowned disapprovingly.

"It was a fair battle, and taunting me would not change the judge's verdict. I will do anything to ensure justice is served."

From the point-of-view of an onlooker, it would seem as if Daniel was a newbie being scolded by his mentor for screwing up in his job. Mikail looked firm and unforgiving, but there was more charisma to the way he was standing and the way his raven black hair was neatly combed backwards. He had a certain air of authority surrounding him.

Daniel on the other hand, looked very young and sorry. Somehow, from the way his shoulders were tensed, there was a hint of uncertainty and in-confidence. In front of the good-looking Mikail, he seemed inferior indeed.

"Why did you choose this path, rookie? Do you really believe that you're good enough?" Mikail asked provokingly. He loved it when Daniel's face melted into sheer annoyance and anger. 

"At least I was good enough to defeat you! I want justice to prevail, and send down evil to the shadows where they belong, even if that means sending you down with them!" Daniel exclaimed. Of course, he was young and he was still hot-headed. A burst of unkindly laughter escaped from Mikail's mouth. His eyes were mocking Daniel in every way it could.

"Fool! This is only the beginning. You better prepare yourself, because this won't be the last time you'll be going against me in court. Next time, I shall beat you into a pulp!" 

Mikail left with a hateful smirk on his face. Daniel noticed the scar across his  left eyebrows, but he was too angry to even think about it. He hated that scar. He hated Mikail. When his half brother was no longer in his sight, he realized that he was standing there, clenching his fists and shaking with fury.

This short story is a tribute to one of my all time favourite game ever: Pheonix Wright Ace Attorney series. Although it has nothing to do with the story line in the game, but it's got something to do with attorneys. And somehow since that game I have got an exceptional liking towards handsome guys in suits. Or handsome manga guys in suits -,-

Anyway, the fifth installation of the game is coming out soon onto the Nintendo 3DS platform and I am a bit sad because I won't be able to play that game until someone turns it into a PC emulator ROM or until I buy myself a Nintendo 3DS. Still, I can't wait to play that game! I miss Miles Edgeworth and Klavier Gavin :3

Pheonix Wright with a bunch of new characters and Apollo Justice. (And who the hell is that bad ass new prosecutor uuuuuuuuu)


Which part

"Which part of your body do you like most? Why?"
My hands. Because I can.

Yeap. No arguments.


Review POLOS

Kali terakhir saya beli buku cerita yang isi kandungannya ditulis dalam Bahasa Melayu dengan kehendak sendiri adalah bertahun tahun tahun yang lalu. Baru-baru ini saya beli Arjuni, buku antologi cerpen terbitan Biji Press, salah sebuah syarikat penerbit buku Indie yang seangkatan dengan FIXI kiranya walaupun Biji Press masih baru. Secara jujurnya saya beli Arjuni sebab cerpen tulisan sahabat baik saya sejak saya masih kecil ada diselitkan di dalam antologi tersebut. Saya masih ingat lagi, dulu kami sama-sama suka menulis cerita merepek-repek yang lahir dari minat kami berdua membaca komik Gempak, Harry Potter dan juga cerita-cerita misteri Nancy Drew hasil tulisan Caroline Keene. Bayangkan waktu itu kami masih budak hingusan baru darjah lima. Sahabat saya itu memang ternyata lebih handal menulis. Kami sama-sama tulis novel atas buku latihan sekolah sampai bertampal-tampal dua tiga buku, tapi selalunya cerita yang dia tulis lebih popular di kalangan rakan-rakan sekelas. 

Sahabat saya tu namanya Hanan Binti Mansor, atau nama pena beliau Nell Hanan. 

Tanpa melengahkan masa, terus kepada POLOS cerpen tulisan beliau. Saya taknak cerita lebih-lebih tentang Arjuni sebab saya tak habis baca lagi semua cerpen di dalamnya. Cuma secara keseluruhannya, mungkin ada beberapa aspek yang boleh diperbaiki pihak editorial Biji Press kerana terdapat kesalahan-kesalahan kecil seperti gandaan perkataan di tempat yang tak sepatutnya, tiada 'space' di antara tanda noktah dan perkataan seterusnya, dsb. Mungkin jika perkara-perkara ini diambil perhatian, buku-buku terbitan Biji Press kelak akan lebih kemas dan kelihatan lebih professional. Maaf saya menegur butir-butir picisan ini sebab sebenarnya saya seorang yang OCD terhadap 'spacing' dan penggunaan kata di dalam buku-buku di pasaran haha. Sebab saya keluar duit jadi saya nak yang terbaik, betul kan? 

Melencong lagi. Mari terus kepada POLOS. Oleh kerana saya sudah terbiasa dengan hasil tulisan sahabat saya ni, jadi secara jujurnya saya ada 'high expectation' terhadap POLOS. Malangnya di sini, POLOS tak mencapai 'expectation' saya tersebut kerana saya pernah baca cerpen tulisan beliau yang lebih mantap jalan ceritanya. Namun saya tak kata POLOS tak bagus. 

POLOS mengupas dilema gadis yang menderita didera secara mental dan fizikal oleh bapanya yang sakit mental. Perspektif gadis tersebut terhadap lelaki banyak dipengaruhi oleh kekurangan bapanya serta layanan lelaki digelar Bapak itu terhadap ibu dan adik-beradiknya, maka di situlah timbul konflik di dalam cerpen ini. Tema POLOS sebenarnya menarik, dan dari POLOS jugalah pertama kali saya mendengar terdapat sejenis ketakutan yang dipanggil Gamophobia; ketakutan terhadap perkahwinan, perhubungan atau komitmen. 

Sepanjang membaca POLOS saya dapat rasa kebencian si gadis terhadap bapanya yang membuak-buak, sedangkan dalam kebencian gadis itu sebenarnya keliru. Bagusnya penulis cerpen ini menggarap cerita beliau, kerana saya memang tak dapat mengagak bagaimana kesudahan cerita ini sehinggalah saya membaca ke noktah terakhir. 

Panjang pulak review ni. Macam lah bagus sangat aku menulis hahaharrr. 

Okay ni last. Antara watak-watak dalam cerpen ni saya paling tak suka pada Lutfi. Pada saya karakter dia sedikit lemah dan dia terlalu 'cheesy'. Tapi sebenarnya dalam mana-mana cerita Melayu pun saya akan tak suka pada watak lelakinya haha jadi abaikan pendapat saya yang sungguh bias ini. 

Akhir kata, saya beri POLOS 3.5/5 untuk emosinya yang berjaya, tema cerita yang menarik dan plotnya yang kemas. 

Teruskan menulis Nell, saya tau awak boleh buat lebih bagus dari yang ini :)