22.5.13

I dream a dream

Every time I check out an art blog I always feel like I need my own house ASAP. Every talented artistes I came upon so far have such a nice work-space with all their equipment in one place it looks like heaven. I've always dreamed of a nice room with a mini library and my own work desk where I can scatter all my drawing stuff and nobody can complain because it's my room. There should be a high-performance PC among all the art things for when I need to do 'office work' or simply to satisfy my thirst for writing. The most important career for this PC is, obviously, for me to play games on. 

At one corner of the room, nearby the large rectangular window, stands my beautiful guitar for when I feel like singing my hearts content. There should also be a violin somewhere, and a white grand piano in the living room. Ahh what heaven!

But until I earn my own money, all this would be a speck of light in the night sky. The closest feeling I can get to this is when entering an art store. How sad.

I wonder how my mom would react if I tell her I don't plan on getting married. She's been randomly asking people to introduce me to their guy friends, jokingly of course, but still that shows she wants me to settle down some day. 

What if I want to live alone?

Okay, I know I can't tell what lies for me in the future. God might have already set me a nice husband who's responsible and understanding and kind, and it's up to me to cross his path (or up to him to cross mine). But until I find that responsible, understanding and kind husband, I don't plan on settling down. I don't even plan on looking for him har har har sorry future husband you have a lot of work to do.

I want to live in my own little heaven on Earth without having anyone telling me 'NO' and without needing permissions to paint the wall any colour I like. 


19.5.13

Ujikaji (Experiment)

Post ini hanya sebagai ujikaji.
(This post is just an experiment.)

Sebab perasaan ingin tahu saya tiba-tiba membuak.
(Because my curiosity is killing me.)

Sila tahu yang saya sedang menterjemah ayat ke ayat, bukannya perkataan ke perkataan.
(Please note that I am translating sentences, not words.)

Jadi jangan mengharap terjemahan bulat-bulat dari BM ke BI.
(So don't go on expecting direct translations from Malay to English.)

Saya hanya nak membuktikan yang bila menulis dalam BI, ayat saya lebih ringkas dan padat
(I just want to prove that when I write in English, my sentences are simpler and meaningful)

tetapi bila menulis dalam BM saya rasa ayat saya akan lebih mengelirukan dan semua ayat jadi lebih panjang.
(but when I write in Malay I think I'll confuse people and all my sentences become much longer.)

Awak tak rasa begitu?
(Don't you think so?)

Kalau awak pun perasan benda yang sama terjadi pada awak maka sebenarnya memang menulis dalam BM ni ambil lebih banyak tenaga menulis berbanding jika menulis dalam BI. 
(If you've been feeling the same way then actually writing in Malay really does consume a lot of writing energy compared to when writing in English.)

Maksud saya, dari segi bilangan huruf dan juga panjang ayat.
(I mean in terms of the number of letters and the length of words.)

Hmm awak faham kan apa yang saya cuba sampaikan ni?
(Hmm you do understand what I'm trying to say, right?)

Dan kalau awak perasan saya tak guna langsung ayat pinjaman; iaitu ayat dari BI yang diubahsuai sedikit dan digunakan sebagai BM.
(And if you noticed, I didn't use any borrowed words; which is words from English that have been slightly changed and used as Malay.)

Seperti contoh: aspek, eksperimen, dsb.
(For example: 'aspect', 'experiment', etc.)

Ini supaya ujikaji saya ini lebih adil.
(This is to ensure a fair experiment.)

Dan sehingga ayat ini, saya rasa sebenarnya dah tiada beza antara tulisan BM dan BI saya.
(And up until this sentence, I don't see any difference between my English and Malay writing now.)

Dua-dua pun dah jadi sama panjang -____-"
(Both are equally lengthy now -____-")

Jadi sekian sahaja ujikaji saya yang kurang berjaya. 
(Hence this is the end of my unsuccessful experiment.)

Selamat malam.
(Good night.)

Cerita kurang seronok dibaca

Saya bukan nak merengek/mengadu/mengeluh. Tapi sejak tahu sakit tekak ni bukan ulser tapi tonsilitis makin menjadi-jadi pula sakitnya. Memang langsung tak kelakar bila bangun untuk Subuh dan kau langsung tak mampu sujud dengan sempurna akibat sakit yang melampau di bahagian kerongkong. 

Dan sekarang puan ibu sibuk suruh buang tonsil buang tonsil. Sebab doktor cakap kalau taknak sakit selalu buang jelah. Itu bukan perkara yang menarik. Saya kurang gemar bahagian tubuh saya dibelah dengan benda tajam. Manakala nenek saya pesan suruh kumur air garam. Saya lebih rela itu dari yang tadi. 

Jadi mari berharap kali ni petua tok nenek lebih afdal berbanding pencapaian sains.

Sebenarnya bila menulis dalam bahasa melayu ni idea untuk merepek lagi kurang. Bukan sebab Bahasa Melayu saya teruk, tidak. Saya tak maksudkan itu. Malahan awak boleh tengok sendiri bagaimana 'puitis'nya saya munyusun kata. Oleh kerana puitisnya susunan kata-kata saya maka tidak ada ruang untuk omongan kosong. Cewah. Sebenarnya sebab tak jumpa perkataan sesuai untuk sampaikan mesej yang ingin disampaikan dalam BM.

Akhirnya saya penat fikir apa nak tulis je. Sebab saya rasa bila tulis dalam BM semua perkataan semacam lebih panjang dari biasa. 

Sekian. 


17.5.13

Tulisan separuh jalan

Hari ni saya belajar satu lagi benda tentang diri sendiri dan orang lain.

Dah lama tak menulis dalam bahasa Melayu sepenuhnya sampailah terpaksa tulis slogan untuk peraduan Era.FM tak boleh melebihi 20 patah perkataan dan baru saya sedar betapa karatnya kebolehan saya untuk menulis dalam Bahasa Melayu dengan ringkas dan padat. Seperti contoh, ayat sebelum ni. Satu ayat pun ambil tiga baris memang tak boleh cakap apa lah. 

Hmm tadi macam tak gembira sangat sebab perut kurang sihat. Tapi setelah berduet dengan Hawa melalui Twitter macam terubat kedukaan sikit. Sikit lah. Lepastu sekarang dah malas nak tulis apa-apa sebab mengantuk. 

Selamat malam. Sehingga nanti.


16.5.13

Believe

Biasalah. Penangan caffeine. Mesti nak kena update post berkali-kali. Walaupun takde perkara penting nak cakap. Tulah, that's the thing. My blog is not even close to educational. Not even informational. Far from interesting. I don't expect to be followed by a lot of other bloggers. I'm even surprised why some people keep returning here to read my craps. You should really find something better to read. 

I realized that there're a lot of things I want to achieve in the short term run. I want to buy a smartphone (which has been in my wishlist since last year), I want to buy my own guitar, I want to buy a set of copic markers, I want to go to Singapore with my cousins, I want to go to Japan (my ultimate wish in the list so far), and the list goes on.

My friend keeps telling me, if I you really want something so bad you should believe you will get it one day. Well, I believe I will get all of these one day, but not in the short term run. 

Hmmm sometimes you've been let down so many times it's hard to really believe in things anymore. 

This might be caffeine talking too.

There's 10 minutes before midnight (at the moment I'm writing this), so it is still legit for me to wish my littlest sister HAPPY 8th BIRTHDAY AND MAY GOD BLESS YOU WITH A WONDERFUL LIFE AND GROW UP (no don't grow up) TO BE A SUCCESSFUL PERSON.

Okay. Next story.

I just finished writing an e-mail (essay) to someone from Groupon, thanking him and his team for the wonderful experience I had in Krabi-Phuket and on board the Superstar Libra. Honestly, if it wasn't for them deciding that my doodle was eligible as a grand prize-winning doodle, I would've never dreamed of being on a cruise ship.

I know, I know, probably you're tired of my cruise story. I promise this is gonna be the last. Maybe.

But you know that lingering feeling that won't leave because you felt you just had a wonderful time. It's like falling in love. And I fell in love with the ocean. 

Ugh I feel like vomiting.

Look I just had a big glass of Caramel Latte from Secret Recipe and expected it to taste like Sahara Tent's Ice Blended Caramel but it didn't. It tasted like latte with caramel inside and now my head's spinning and my heart's racing and I know I'm gonna have a hard time falling asleep.

Hmmmm oh yes, I just injured two of my knuckles because I was trying to take out something out of a tin can. Now my right hand looks as if it just got run over by a truck because I put two plasters over the wounds. Honestly, it's not as bad as it looks really. 

Aaaand my glasses kinda broke apart today but I repaired it thankfully so nothing wrong here.

I want to dedicate Frank Sinatra's "My Way" to everyone. When I finish my practicum later on, I want to listen to this song and cry in one corner of my bed hahaha. I can't wait :3

12.5.13

Ocean Bound 3


This is one of my favourite photos of the trip. They're our friends we met on the ship; Kak Rina and her family. The two little boys are her sons. 

Of course we made friends. That was the best part of our journey. We met new people, shared stories, talked about the elections with fellow Malaysian, and it was fun to listen to on my part. My mom did all the talking usually. Because I usually do all the listening. 

After 4 days on the ship, I must say, it was sad to think this might be the only cruise trip I'll ever have in my life for the few years to come. On the last night after the farewell party, I walked alone on the the 10th floor above the pool deck to collect myself and to let my thoughts fly with the sound of the waves and the sea. It was 1 am, and there was not many people around. The wind was strong as the ship was cruising fast back to Penang. That made me even sadder. 

While I walked and observed every single thing from the stars to the railings to the lights and the flags with a pirate skull embedded on it, Frank Sinatra's song I Did it My Way came out through the stereo loud and clear and throbbed at me like an annoying little sister. I decided to stay for a little more just to enjoy the song, and realized it made me feel a hundred times sadder. The song never felt the same anymore since then.

It was such a precious experience. If I were given the same chance ever again, of course I would take it. Perhaps I'd go through it with a different person then, who knows? Maybe a loved one? Maybe I'd be like Kak Rina that time and be on the ship with kids around me. My own. Well, surprise me.

I dream of going to Japan since I was younger. Now I anticipate it even more. Can't wait for my next journey. Until then.

The waves shall wash away the prints on the sand, but not the memories.

The End

11.5.13

Ocean Bound 2


I must remind you that this is not a love story.

There are about 10 floors on the cruise ship that passengers have access to. Most people frequent floor 9 which is the pool deck where there are two swimming pools and two jacuzzi, and which is where the Mariner's Buffet is. Floor 10 is the top most deck where it's open and you can hang around and enjoy the view, which is where I was in the picture above. Mom and I woke up early the second day just to enjoy sunrise, and it was really a spectacular view from a cruise ship in the middle of the ocean.

Floor 8 would be where the disco is. It's just below the Mariner's Buffet, so when we were having supper this one night, we could here loud music being played from the disco below.

Floor 7 consists of only cabins, which are the rooms where passengers stay in. Our cabin was at floor 3. Floor 6 was the sun deck. You can gain access to the front most part of the ship and shoot Titanic here if you want, but I didn't, which makes me kinda sad. I tried going there one morning but the wind was ridiculously strong from that part that my shawl flew dangerously all around me. I turned back and just walked around the deck, inspecting the life boats hanging up above for when there's emergency.

On floor 5 they have the Stardust Lounge where we gather for shows, briefings and assembly, and also the Star Club which is the casino. Floor 4 is kinda the lobby of the ship where there's a white grand piano and at intervals of time the pianist would come and play a few good songs. Once while I was hanging around the lobby he was playing Frank Sinatra's Fly Me To The Moon which is my favourite song and that made me feel content. Other than that there're a few shops on this floor, and the Four Seasons Restaurant where we had our Gala Dinner Party. 

Floor 3 is where our cabin is situated. Our room: 3141. I don't know much about floor 1 and 2 because we don't usually go down there. But the gangway where you exit the ship to go onto a smaller boat (during Krabi trip) or to a dry port (in Phuket trip) is on floor 1. 

This was in Phuket

Really, if you want to have a better view of the descriptions I gave you above, they're all uploaded on my Facebook HERE

Every time I go up to the Pool Deck, me and my mom, we'd always go "Dah bukak ke belum Mariner's? Sekarang lunch kan?" or "Sekarang pukul berapa? 11.30 patutnya dah boleh supper kan?" Although we just had breakfast, we're usually hungry again by 11.30am so we'd go peeking down across the deck to see if the entrance door to the Buffet is open. That's about what me and my mom were doing all throughout the journey. Eating. 

Of course, there was another reason for me. After the conversation that night, we never talked again. Sometimes when our eyes meet we'd smile and then I'll continue putting food into my plate. It's so ridiculous I managed to have a crush on someone on board a cruise ship. But I love it because of the fact that I know I'll never see him again after this. 

Isn't it?

End of part 2


Ocean Bound


I decided that writing a blog post with a hundred pictures would just crowd my blog. If you are interested to see my journey in Thailand on board a cruise ship, feel free to visit my Facebook HERE

The picture above is me in Penang, on a beach nearby the Hard Rock Hotel in Batu Ferringhi. It is the last stop of our 5 days vacation from Penang-Krabi-Phuket-Penang again. So as you can see, I am in a state of what you call "melayan blues" or "melayan perasaan". Because I literally am in that picture which my mom took without me noticing. I look at the ocean and I remember the cruise ship, the crews and the people. It makes me feel melancholic now that I gaze to the sea and all I can remember is those four days worry-free journey with my beloved mother on board a ship which name bears my zodiac sign. 

I love to call the vacation a journey, because it was challenging for me in many ways. I am a person with mobile sickness. Put me in any vehicle that moves a lot and I get sick. Every single day on board the ship I had to go through with help of medication. I can feel the waving movements of the ship which nobody else I know can. 

On the day of our Krabi trip, we arrived back on the ship soaking wet due to heavy rain along the way back. There were no large ports in Krabi, so our cruise parked way in the middle of the sea and we were transported to the island on a smaller boat. There was enough sheltered space for about 50 people on the small boat. During the heavy rain, because my mom and I had raincoats and we weren't carrying small children, we volunteered to sit at the deck of the small boat where there was no shelter. There were about 15 other people on that deck with us, all with raincoats and, fortunately, with good sense of humor. It was cold, wet, and fun indeed. And mind you, my mom and I chose to run barefooted through the rain.

On the day of the Phuket trip, I forgot to take my medication so I had a little headache while on the tour bus to Promthep Cape. Instead of following the rest of the group up to the cape to take beautiful scenery pictures, my mother and I climbed down again and took pictures of a gigantic millipede. That was the biggest millipede I ever saw in my life. 

There was this one cute person on the ship. He was tall, a bit clumsy in a cute boyish way, friendly, and he was from Indonesia. He served drinks on the first night of the trip, and surprisingly chose to start a conversation with me instead of the other lady before me. A short one, but one I'll never forget. He acknowledged me as a Malaysian, asked if I've ever went to Indonesia, and said I should visit there some time. Before I parted with my glass of iced lemon tea and mom's air bandung, he told me to be careful with the drinks, reminded me to come down for supper at the Mariner's Buffet cafeteria later that night and said thanks. I walked off with a little smile.

He was one of the reasons I liked to go down to the Mariner's Buffet after all the food for the following days hihi.

End of part 1


3.5.13

Fly away

I am flying to Penang on Sunday and then straight away board a cruise ship to Krabi Island and Phuket. Next week will be one real adventure for me and my mom. Plus, it'll be mother's day soon. I guess she deserves this trip more than I do.

Don't expect a lot of pictures from me haha. I'm not a good photographer. I seldom take pictures and I just don't care to upload it to the internet. Even if I do take a lot of pictures, don't expect me to upload all of it here. I'll upload when I feel like uploading. 

Or maybe this is just me talking out of fever. I have sore throat and I feel quite unwell and I don't have 5 days MC. I just have 5 days cruise trip to Krabi oh God I should've made a video.

Until then.

2.5.13

Love perhaps

I have just had dinner, and my stomach isn't behaving very well. It's been quite stressful lately, although I can't really even tell myself why. Perhaps because I've been thinking about things I'm not supposed to be thinking of. But that's not the point of my writing tonight. 

Tonight I want to talk about love.

My timeline has been full of break-ups and couple-fights lately. There are the occasional people in love, but I'm glad most of them decide to keep it low. Sad people usually want to express their feelings. I don't mind that. They have all the rights. 

Love is sweet and sugary, some people say. It is. You know you have that someone you can always turn to when in need, and someone who would say nice things to you when you feel like a mess. Even at your worst moments, you know that person would always think you're the greatest/prettiest/cutest. It is a nice feeling. You feel wanted. You feel appreciated. And when everything goes wrong at least you know you mean something to someone. 

I don't know why I chose to talk about this at this hour, perhaps because at the moment quite a number of people are being lovey dovey on my timeline, but honestly to me, love is a frightening journey. 

Love is commitment.

I used to have a relationship once that lasted more than four years, but then it ended and I started to see things differently. Four years wasn't a short journey. We made mistakes and we learn from it. And honestly, up until this moment, that's the longest commitment I've ever had with someone that isn't my family. I don't know how I was able to tolerate all the heart things, the fights and the tears. If you ask me to do the same thing now, I don't even know if I can. I don't even know if I want to anymore. Spending a long duration of time for something uncertain; to me it feels like a waste of energy. I don't blame anyone, but doesn't it feel like a waste of time and energy? You could have spared all the tears. You could have done something better.

But if not for the 4 years, I'd never have known what I know now.

Maybe I just want to be alone, that's what my friend pointed out to me. And maybe it's true. It's not like I'm giving up or anything. I just want to have more me time, linger in the moment. Maybe I've had enough of thinking about another person's feeling so much until I forget to worry about mine. I want to be able to do whatever I want to do and nobody other than my parents should be giving me permissions to do it. I want to have time alone at night so I can read or draw or write while listening to music instead of texting with someone until late into the night which might lead into petty fights if I reply any later than 10 minutes. Ugh I hate texting nowadays, especially since my phone's been lagging a lot. The more reason not to be having a relationship yet.

At this point, I just don't want to be in love. I'm happy being in love with my family and my close friends, but not to a guy yet. I am quite stressed out by my studies at the moment, I don't need more reasons to mess up my head. Plus, I just realized I'm quite allergic to love confessions. I don't even know if I can even handle it. Not now. 

That, is how I feel towards love. Thank you.