Old enough to think

This is truly a short break from my heaps of assignment. I hate myself at the moment for hating my course so much. Since that very annoying person appeared in my life as a TESL student, I've been hating my days in TESL so much. I finally feel that I should tell dad about quitting this and take something else instead, like art and design or something. The only thing that's stopping me is the thought that so much money has been spent on me just for the sake of me finishing my degree. At this point, that's what it feels like; trying to finish my degree. Nothing else matters now, I just wanna finish it.

For the past few weeks I've been wondering if I could pursue my studies on something completely unrelated to the field of education once I finally finish TESL. I wanted to ask dad but I was afraid of what he might think. Two days ago, I voiced out my desire to take music class to him as we were already in a musical instrument shop. I asked him once a long time ago, but he declined with the excuse that music class was expensive. What made me ask again was when my sister said she wanted to take violin classes, and he did not appear to go against the matter. He didn't say yes, but at least he tried reasoning. That was when I saw my chance. I looked up the fees and they were still expensive, but at least I saw some fragments of hope this time. 

Somebody pull me out of this body.

Some things to share

Before anything I would like to talk about my two microteachings for my two methodology subjects this semester. The first one, for teaching reading, was okay but lame on my part. I always knew I'm a boring person who does not know how to express her feelings properly. But my lecturer said I had good voice projection, and I know that because I love to yell at people harharhar.

The second microteaching, for teaching grammar, was much better I guess even if I did not improve in the emotion part. But I managed to implement a little drama technique from that ever so hated subject so at least it's 'purposeful fun' y'know?

From this, you can say everything went well. I just finished reading The Calligrapher's Daughter by Eugenia Kim last night, but I won't write about it all here. As usual, things related to books will be published on my Silent Onomatopoeia blog. All I can say is that, it touched something deep within my heart, it triggered anger, sadness, and almost made me cry twice along the story. And what's more, it made me realize that I actually like war-related stories/film. 

Ah, distracted again. 

Before I abruptly end this post, I wanna show you something.

Jupiter went MIA. Venus got damaged only a few months after I bought it. And then I used my mother's earphone which had bad quality so I refused to give it a name. Now, Mars. Finally. Let's pray that we have a long future together.

Early morning update

I just noticed that I have never updated my blog early in the morning. Usually it's either late midnight, in the middle of the day or any other time but early morning. I think. If I did actually did an early morning update before but forgot, well you should know I haven't had enough sleep for three days now. I'm even having problem spelling words properly right now you don't wanna know how many times I keep backspacing typos.

Anyway, today's the last day of this semester. It's frightening but it's well awaited for. Remember all those depressing entries and all? Well you won't be seeing one for the next two months because I'm so happy this hell is all over. 

I skipped sleep last night to finish all my assignments that needs to be submitted by today. Note that phrase clearly. All the assignments that needs to be submitted by today, which means there's actually more. Ha ha.

Okay but just lemme celebrate a little, because I'm tired as fuck, I'm all messed up (my sleep I mean) and I really need a break. I have one more test today and a microteaching, so wish me luck. 

I have a movie date with my cousins tomorrow. To be honest I'm actually too tired to even think about going out at all. But I wanna see my cousins and I wanna go to BBW again so I guess I'll just go. I'll sleep a lot tonight so that I regain my energy tomorrow. Until then or whenever, goodbye and goodday!

This battle

These battle scars don't look like they're fading, don't look like they're ever goin' away, they ain't ever gonna change...

Too much, too much. If I could see chakras I would be grey all over. Or green. On the other hand, happy belated birthday Wany.

Tak sabar nak cuti. 

Of love letters & heart break

You've been through this so many times, I wish you would learn from your mistakes. 

One might think that when they lose something precious they would never find an equal or something better. I used to think that way before I grew up. Things only just get better and better, there's a reason why God took something away from you; you're worth more than you think you are.

I wish I could say "I told you" but that would be mean. There's a reason why I avoid conversation with him on twitter every time he mentions me, and for that same reason I didn't want him to come to my birthday dinner the other day. I knew this would come eventually, and I still haven't forgiven him for what he did the last time. I feel bad but what can I do? You're my best friend and I heart you.

Someday you'll realize how foolish you have been and how stupid that guy is. I've been there. Someday when you find someone better you'll look back and smile sarcastically. I know I'm not in a place to be saying all this, looking at the fact that I've been single all year after my own break up. But that's what I'm trying to tell you; love doesn't always mean been being in love. 

Just close your eyes and feel every thing that's around you. When you open your eyes, smile with all the things you've only just discovered. I'm always there beside you.

You don't care about this

Dear, when you have nothing left and the only thing you can do is smile, then just smile.

This is not hard. This is everything but hard. People out there are eating worms and you sit here and fret and complain like a bitch. 

I am soo greedy. I want this and that to happen but I still sit here waiting for miracles. I thought I grew up but I haven't. Can't I just be thankful enough for once? A few more weeks and all this will be over. Play games all you want. Draw, eat, sleep until you vomit them all out again. No one's gonna care. Can't I just for once be thankful enough?

I told you

12.12.12

I miss Pipuk.

I miss my family above all things.

I haven't found my Jack Frost yet. Maybe he still doesn't feel like turning into human for me because finding a house, a horse and a bag of gold nowadays would be too much of a work. 

So here I am, living pretty mundanely while sitting in front of the laptop and trying to finish my assignments. The best part of today was when a plastic bag of air tebu spilled all over my mattress after one torturous day in yet again another Umbridge's replacement class. I almost broke down into tears, but I was too tired. Too tired to even feel sad about the spilled air tebu. My roommate and I got busy trying to clean up all the mess. I was too tired I think I yelled at one of my other roommate. Sorry :(

I got a headache afterwards so I calmed myself to sleep. 

Life is quite depressing. I wonder how the people during war lived?