Daddy's coming home late

taken from designkings.com

Like sparrows feeding under the freezing drizzle

Poetry is a seedless skinless fruit. 
Poetry is a mouse in a maze.
Poetry is a water sport.
Poetry is me in a dark room searching for the light switch.
Poetry is snow.
Don't be polite.

Hai, saya along

Ini bukan along yang anak pertama dalam keluarga tu. Ini along yang gangster kutip kutip duit tu. Ya, sayalah orangnya *buat muka ganas*

Semester baru lagi. Secara rasminya menempatkan diri di dalam group ED2204B bersama 27 orang rakan-rakan TESL yang lain. Setelah 4 sem hidup secara carefree dan liar, sem ini aku diberi tanggungjawab maha berat seberat 20 guni beras. Akibat berat yang keterlaluan untuk tubuh kecil aku ini, maka aku tidak lagi dapat bersenang lenang menjalani kehidupan remaja yang tidak bertanggungjawab serta ignorant. 

Intro yang sedikit over untuk mengumumkan bahawasanya aku telah dilantik sebagai bendahari rumah sukan eh kelas aku sepanjang semester. 

Seingat aku, masa sekolah pernah sekali aku dilantik jadi bendahari bagi kelab Usahawan. Pengalaman kurang menggembirakan, sebab jaga duit sebenarnya bukan senang. Apatah lagi duit tu bukan kita yang punya. Simpan dalam envelop lepastu sorok dalam laci almari baju, selit bawah-bawah. Cuak takut rumah kena masuk penjenayah, kalau lesap duit orang aku yang kena ganti. Ibu berkali-kali ingatkan diselit sedikit bebelan, jangan dibuat alpa hal ehwal berkait benda yang bukan hak milik kita. Setiap bulan kena kira semula, nak pastikan jumlah tak terkurang. Kalau terlebih tak mengapa, rezeki kelab bak kata cikgu. Amboi. Mungkin sebab itu aku sedikit trauma bila diberi tanggungjawab jaga duit orang lagi.

But anyway, aku paksa diri jangan mengeluh, jangan merungut. Aku telah berjanji akan terima apa saja cabaran yang ditempek ke muka aku semester ini. Walaupun aku dah secara sengaja ponteng beberapa kelas pada dua tiga hari pertama semester, aku berjanji akan serious pada hari mendatang, insyaAllah. Mana tahu, tanggungjawab ini akan beri aku satu pengalaman baru?

Challenge accepted!

Indecisiveness

Finally, after a few weeks of contemplating whether should I or should I not change my blog's template, I decided to go for a change. I might miss the old one, but sometimes you have to move on and try something new. I am a changed person myself.
Simpler does not mean it is not better. 
The new semester just started for a few days, mind you. And for your information, I'm not showing any interest yet with the subjects. I think I've lost myself somewhere during the semester break. I've been drawing a lot, and sewing books, and thinking. If you ask me I might just place myself into another course instead of TESL. It's not that I don't want to be an educator. I've been dreaming of becoming a lecturer but the more I get to know myself, the more I believe I'm not meant to be in that area.
Indecisive. I've been using that word a lot lately. Yeah I used it on other people but I know I meant myself. 
Hey look, I call this an artwork.

Using paint, the older version.

Oh and yeah, saje nak test blockquote baru ni. Hikhik

Medication

I have this urge to write. Everyday. Even though this is MY blog, I still feel a little guilty. I think I have poisoned the minds of my poor readers with irrelevant things these days.

Well, I'm not going to stop.

Hey there random passer-by. Hey there curious stalkers, hey hey hey!

I'm trying to be honest in this post. The past few posts were vaguely connected to my own life, currently. Maybe they have things to do with you, or you, or maybe not. If you think it's you, I'm sorry. It might not be you. I'm still sorry.

Heart thing is not an easy thing.


"Why did you let me think I was going to have you if you wanted to go back to her?"


"I care for you."


"Define 'care'."


"You're important... somehow. You exist somewhere in there."


"And she exists everywhere, right? I'm fine with that. It's not like this is the first time."


"I'm sorry. Please don't punish me like this, I'm sorry. I care for you, it hurts to see you in pain."


"You don't know how much I'm hurting. At least your pain for me is little, because I only exist somewhere. She occupies a bigger part, it must not be much of a problem for you."


"I'm sorry."


"No you're not, you're just selfish."




Well, not really, but something like that. 

Apparition

I wanna paint the clouds purple.

It's hard to believe how things come and go and time pass like nothing happen. It's hard to believe how easy your heart can change and how indecisive it may become. It surprises you when feelings change like the sun and the moon and like day and night. You just can't stop it. 

I had ice blended Cappucino for lunch and I noticed how condensation flooded my side of the table. 

A couple of sad stories, but it feels good when you've said it out/wrote it down/cried it away. It feels good. 

You buy a slipper, wear it for some time, apparently they'll get worn out and you buy a new one. Do you really think back and remember how much those slippers have suffered under your feet? You don't, don't you. Life goes on. We were born to die.

Decision

Maybe I wasn't meant to count how many eggs were broken in the nest.

You drop by my window with a chirp saying hi. Hung around humming songs, entertaining me. Maybe I saw a fleeting happiness every time, but I pretended not to. To put you in a cage just so you could entertain me every night and day in a small little room that is my world, while I don't guarantee to always be present for you, is selfish.

My window will still be open for you and other little birds. Yes, other little birds. A little competition won't hurt, right? Challenge accepted.