Old enough to think

This is truly a short break from my heaps of assignment. I hate myself at the moment for hating my course so much. Since that very annoying person appeared in my life as a TESL student, I've been hating my days in TESL so much. I finally feel that I should tell dad about quitting this and take something else instead, like art and design or something. The only thing that's stopping me is the thought that so much money has been spent on me just for the sake of me finishing my degree. At this point, that's what it feels like; trying to finish my degree. Nothing else matters now, I just wanna finish it.

For the past few weeks I've been wondering if I could pursue my studies on something completely unrelated to the field of education once I finally finish TESL. I wanted to ask dad but I was afraid of what he might think. Two days ago, I voiced out my desire to take music class to him as we were already in a musical instrument shop. I asked him once a long time ago, but he declined with the excuse that music class was expensive. What made me ask again was when my sister said she wanted to take violin classes, and he did not appear to go against the matter. He didn't say yes, but at least he tried reasoning. That was when I saw my chance. I looked up the fees and they were still expensive, but at least I saw some fragments of hope this time. 

Somebody pull me out of this body.

Some things to share

Before anything I would like to talk about my two microteachings for my two methodology subjects this semester. The first one, for teaching reading, was okay but lame on my part. I always knew I'm a boring person who does not know how to express her feelings properly. But my lecturer said I had good voice projection, and I know that because I love to yell at people harharhar.

The second microteaching, for teaching grammar, was much better I guess even if I did not improve in the emotion part. But I managed to implement a little drama technique from that ever so hated subject so at least it's 'purposeful fun' y'know?

From this, you can say everything went well. I just finished reading The Calligrapher's Daughter by Eugenia Kim last night, but I won't write about it all here. As usual, things related to books will be published on my Silent Onomatopoeia blog. All I can say is that, it touched something deep within my heart, it triggered anger, sadness, and almost made me cry twice along the story. And what's more, it made me realize that I actually like war-related stories/film. 

Ah, distracted again. 

Before I abruptly end this post, I wanna show you something.

Jupiter went MIA. Venus got damaged only a few months after I bought it. And then I used my mother's earphone which had bad quality so I refused to give it a name. Now, Mars. Finally. Let's pray that we have a long future together.

Early morning update

I just noticed that I have never updated my blog early in the morning. Usually it's either late midnight, in the middle of the day or any other time but early morning. I think. If I did actually did an early morning update before but forgot, well you should know I haven't had enough sleep for three days now. I'm even having problem spelling words properly right now you don't wanna know how many times I keep backspacing typos.

Anyway, today's the last day of this semester. It's frightening but it's well awaited for. Remember all those depressing entries and all? Well you won't be seeing one for the next two months because I'm so happy this hell is all over. 

I skipped sleep last night to finish all my assignments that needs to be submitted by today. Note that phrase clearly. All the assignments that needs to be submitted by today, which means there's actually more. Ha ha.

Okay but just lemme celebrate a little, because I'm tired as fuck, I'm all messed up (my sleep I mean) and I really need a break. I have one more test today and a microteaching, so wish me luck. 

I have a movie date with my cousins tomorrow. To be honest I'm actually too tired to even think about going out at all. But I wanna see my cousins and I wanna go to BBW again so I guess I'll just go. I'll sleep a lot tonight so that I regain my energy tomorrow. Until then or whenever, goodbye and goodday!

This battle

These battle scars don't look like they're fading, don't look like they're ever goin' away, they ain't ever gonna change...

Too much, too much. If I could see chakras I would be grey all over. Or green. On the other hand, happy belated birthday Wany.

Tak sabar nak cuti. 

Of love letters & heart break

You've been through this so many times, I wish you would learn from your mistakes. 

One might think that when they lose something precious they would never find an equal or something better. I used to think that way before I grew up. Things only just get better and better, there's a reason why God took something away from you; you're worth more than you think you are.

I wish I could say "I told you" but that would be mean. There's a reason why I avoid conversation with him on twitter every time he mentions me, and for that same reason I didn't want him to come to my birthday dinner the other day. I knew this would come eventually, and I still haven't forgiven him for what he did the last time. I feel bad but what can I do? You're my best friend and I heart you.

Someday you'll realize how foolish you have been and how stupid that guy is. I've been there. Someday when you find someone better you'll look back and smile sarcastically. I know I'm not in a place to be saying all this, looking at the fact that I've been single all year after my own break up. But that's what I'm trying to tell you; love doesn't always mean been being in love. 

Just close your eyes and feel every thing that's around you. When you open your eyes, smile with all the things you've only just discovered. I'm always there beside you.

You don't care about this

Dear, when you have nothing left and the only thing you can do is smile, then just smile.

This is not hard. This is everything but hard. People out there are eating worms and you sit here and fret and complain like a bitch. 

I am soo greedy. I want this and that to happen but I still sit here waiting for miracles. I thought I grew up but I haven't. Can't I just be thankful enough for once? A few more weeks and all this will be over. Play games all you want. Draw, eat, sleep until you vomit them all out again. No one's gonna care. Can't I just for once be thankful enough?

I told you

12.12.12

I miss Pipuk.

I miss my family above all things.

I haven't found my Jack Frost yet. Maybe he still doesn't feel like turning into human for me because finding a house, a horse and a bag of gold nowadays would be too much of a work. 

So here I am, living pretty mundanely while sitting in front of the laptop and trying to finish my assignments. The best part of today was when a plastic bag of air tebu spilled all over my mattress after one torturous day in yet again another Umbridge's replacement class. I almost broke down into tears, but I was too tired. Too tired to even feel sad about the spilled air tebu. My roommate and I got busy trying to clean up all the mess. I was too tired I think I yelled at one of my other roommate. Sorry :(

I got a headache afterwards so I calmed myself to sleep. 

Life is quite depressing. I wonder how the people during war lived? 

Lily

Hihi. Just a random conversation between me and my 7 year-old sister the other day. Look how she spells things. So cute :3

11.12.12

Going to and fro Twitter, Facebook and Deviantart, again and again as if I don't have any assignments to finish. Which is a bit sad, because it's public holiday today and I'm all lazy ass on my mattress in front of the laptop, alone. Everyone's got something important to do. How authentic.

By the way, did I mention anything about the new movie that just came into the cinemas last  November? Rise of the Guardians. Jack Frost is in it. Who's Jack Frost? He's my new animated crush awwww :"> 

Surprise surprise, I haven't watched the movie yet. But I already know what the movie's all about. Jack Frost and I, we have a history together ehe. Whoever watched Rankin Bass' Jack Frost (it's an old stop motion clay-based film) should know what I mean. I feel sad how Jack Frost always end up being the heart broken guy, even in this new movie. 

All through my life people keep portraying Jack Frost as the bad guy, otherwise he's the snowman decorating somebody's yard. I'm glad somebody decided to make Rise of the Guardians (thank you creators of How to Train a Dragon!), and I'm quite taken aback because I never knew it was originally a book.

Whoever finds The Guardians of Childhood series will you please buy me a copy? I'll pay you back I promise. 

Don't judge me. I just love collecting children's storybooks. Reading a genre way behind my league does not mean I'm childish or immature or still living in the past. I'm a huge fan of animation and you can still catch me watching Ben 10 or Thunder Cats attentively during the weekends at times. It's just my way of being inspired. 

Sometimes people have dreams that they couldn't afford to live in.

Turning Pages

If you need answers.

My lips can be as sweet as yours when it comes to fooling around with a person's heart.

I try not to, though, because I know I'd hate it if it happens to me. Mayyybe, sometimes I forget and tend to get carried away. Those are the times I feel like punching myself in the face because I'm not a time machine. I can't turn back time and undo what I ever did. 

My apologies.

In another different dimension, Big Bad Wolf is back! I went the first time with my family, and the second time is still an ambiguous plan inside my head. I'm looking forward for the second visit because there're more books that I want to buy! 

The other day I watched Perks of Being a Wallflower with my housemates. I would highly recommend reading the book first before watching the movie, because honestly you might not understand a lot of things in the movie without background knowledge from the book.

At the moment, I'm reading The Calligrapher's Daughter by Eugenia Kim. I've read about 40 pages so far and I think it's so beautifully written that I can almost imagine the demeanor and conservative behaviours of the yangban Korean women during the early 1910's. I'm looking forward to finish the book and the rest in my pending list of books to be read. Oh, I was even thinking of suggesting this book to my brother because he loves Korean related things. The bad thing about this is that he doesn't read novels and such. Somebody should expose him to good reading.

I'm sad for the people who buy a lot of books but never read them. You should donate all of them to me. Books are not a collection. Well, they can be, but only after you've finished reading them. Otherwise, buying books and storing them on your shelves as a decoration is  highly invalid to me.

Kan shu kuaile!

Unhappy

There is no point really, in doing this. But since there is no point in doing anything, what difference does it make at all?

Screw. I erased everything I wanted to actually say here. I'm just a depressed, confused, unhappy and sad little girl.

Usaha

Paada suatu hari, saya duduk menonton TV di rumah bersama adik. Adik hendak tengok kartun, saya hendak tengok drama bersiri Korea. Nasib baik rumah ada dua TV. Jadi saya tengok dekat TV satu lagi. Tiba-tiba mama datang, suruh saya pergi pasar beli ikan, sayur dan telur. Dia beri saya RM50, lalu saya pun berjalan kaki pergi pasar Seksyen 24. Di pasar saya bertemu dengan kawan saya Meimei. Dia membeli daging lembu dan sayur-sayuran. Dia kata sayur sedikit mahal kerana baru-baru ini selalu hujan. Selepas membeli ikan, sayur dan telur, saya berjalan pulang bersama Meimei. Di simpang, Meimei ucap selamat tinggal kepada saya. Saya masuk ke rumah.

Ni skrip drama Mandarin saya. Ha ha ha

Peringatan untuk aku dan kita

Banyaknya perkara nak kena fikir. Rasa dewasa betul. Nak mengeluh pun dah rasa tak layak. Usia macam ni memang banyak tanggungjawab pun, dan bukan kau sorang je ada semua tanggungjawab tu, orang lain lagi banyak tanggungjawab dari kau. Bila rasa fed up terpaksa lah tampal wajah plastik konon-konon masih positif terhadap kehidupan. Tapi jauh mana nak tipu diri sendiri? Tak boleh nak tipu pun.

Akhirnya kena jugak yakinkan diri, betulkan topeng dekat muka tadi dan cuba jalani hidup dengan sepositif yang mungkin. Semua tu tanggungjawab. Amanah. Nak taknak kau kena jugak buat. Nak cuba lari pun kau nak lari ke mana? Sampai bila nak berkurung dalam minda kanak-kanak yang kau rasa sayang nak lepas tu? Nak duduk main game seharian, jauhkan diri dari masalah, tapi sampai bila? In the end kau kena jugak mengadap benda tu. Selagi benda tu tak selesai, selagi tulah dia jadi beban yang buat hidup kau sentiasa tak tenang. 

Orang selalu kata, bila kau buat benda yang kau suka, apa pun yang kau buat takkan rasa macam satu tanggungjawab atau beban, sebaliknya jadi sekadar satu aktiviti harian yang menggembirakan. Aku teringin nak rasa keterujaan tu. Tapi benda yang aku suka bukan prioriti dalam hidup aku sekarang. Mungkin suatu hari nanti? Aku tak tahulah. Sejauh yang aku nampak, benda yang aku akan lalui memang takkan rasa macam satu aktiviti harian yang aku teruja nak buat dengan penuh rela hati. Macam mana aku nak ubah benda tu? Memang aku kena terus pura-pura ke, atau aku kena buat perubahan drastik yang banyak risiko dan mungkin mempengaruhi banyak aspek dalam hidup aku?

The Story of Pipuk: Princess

Nowadays she would prefer sleeping on the carpet or the sofa, or simply anything comfortable enough (like our laps) as long as it's inside the house. 

I was watching TV this morning and all of a sudden somebody changed the channel. I thought it was mom, so I let it be because I really wasn't interested with what I was watching. But suddenly mom asked me 

"Who's changing the channels?"

And I turned, a bit surprised, and I saw Pipuk sitting on the remote controller while trying to play with the corner end of a cushion -____-"

The Story of Pipuk: A Journal

Today I missed Pipuk so much I doodled cats all day long; in class, after class, in my head, etc. I found some random blank-paged notebook again (because I have a lot but I never use them -__-) and decided to make a journal for Pipuk. A doodle-based journal that - I must admit - was inspired by Pusheen. 

The thing that bugs me is that I am so enthusiastic in making a journal for my pet cat but I have no interest at all in completing an assignment journal that I was supposed to submit last two weeks.

Maybe, madam, you should let me doodle for my journal next time? Okay? No? Awh.

Skyfall

I watched Skyfall yesterday with my housemates at Space U8 in Bukit Jelutong. Midnight movie was nice. A lot of unexpected (not to mention awkward) scenes, plots and characters. Especially the bad guy. Silva was a great villain and a lot of people say he's the best villain among all the villains in the Bond series. I agree. Psychotic and heartless and intelligent, the usual, except he wasn't bad ass. Haha because he is a bit cartoon-ish. Bahasa Melayu dia 'pondan' LOL.

Well to those who haven't watched the movie I think you should see for yourself why.

After movie we went for some late night supper at Asia Cafe in Subang. My first time here but I didn't order anything because I was too tired I guess. My friends ate chicken chop and black peppered chicken. I loved the black pepper chicken. The place was a combination of mamak and a little bit of William's. The common thing about these three is that they're all CROWDED! 

I don't dislike crowded places I think. I mean, I went to a concert once and I was okay with it. I exceptionally dislike crowded eating areas. There's just too many people. When I eat I want to be calm and I want to enjoy my food. I don't want to have to think about where to sit or where to look or where to put my feet or when will I be able to eat my food because the queue was too long! 

Actually I also don't like crowded shopping malls, like Ikea last Tuesday. 

Aaaand pasar malam and bazaars and traffic jams. Ha ha. 

The Story of Pipuk: Her Eyes

It's been two weeks since Pipuk became apart of our family. Everyone has begun to become fond of her (Yes it's a she!). Even mother who has always been the one to dislike cats all this while seems to treat Pipuk like her very own baby. I'm glad for that, though not everyone seem to want to attend to her every time she poops except for mother and me.

Going back to my parent's home last weekend, I found some good things and some not so good things about her. Apparently, she gained weight while I was away, which means she was taken cared with much love by my family members. The not so good thing was that she didn't seem to be very well. Mother said she poops a lot and earlier this afternoon she pooped with blood. Her anus is swollen, so I'm worried and we're all worried but we don't know what to do. My friends who are cat owners say that it must have something to do with the food we gave her. Zue said I should try feeding her with milk again. Poor Pipuk :(

But despite all that, she seems happy. She's very clingy and playful and so adorable. A lot of other people who has seen her says she's beautiful. My classmate said she has mysterious eyes. Her eyes are kinda grey-ish blue, and with her smoky white striped fur she looks perfectly fine. We don't confine her inside her cage all day anymore. We let her explore the perimeters of our home, and when she's tired she would either return to sleep in her cage or sleep some other place she sees comfortable. Sometimes she would snuggle into her blanket (which used to be Lily's napkin when she was a baby) that we left on the table outside. Sometimes she would sleep on my lap when I wrap her with the blanket and cuddle her. She sleeps like a baby.

Grow up soon, baby Pipuk. Grow up well and healthy!

Of heart things

"Biasalah tu ada crush crush ni."

"Tapi saya bukan budak sekolah lagi."

"Kenapa budak sekolah je boleh ada crush?"

Takpe, belum grad lagi. Hihi. 

I don't mind the pain of looking at someone you like from afar. At lease it doesn't hurt as much as having that someone but still feeling hurt and everything. Y'know what I mean?

I'm enjoying Ailee's new song "I'll Show You". She's beautiful, and I think she has a nice vocal compared to other Korean female singers. I put her vocal on the same level with Hongki from FT Island, minus the unique-ness. 

Hmmm, sampai situ jelah. Rasa macam ada writer's block pulak urghh.

Serendipity

Sometimes I think my blog is some sort of an escapism medium. I know I don't prefer to talk to people about my petty little dilemmas and stuff, and tweeting about them would expose me to too much public, so I run to my blog to rant all the yada yada things. And here I am, just because I think less people read my blog other than the people close to me. I think. I hope so. Uhh, presumably. 

For the past two weeks I have been feeling a little antisocial, shutting myself away from other people for a reason I myself don't have. I didn't feel like talking to anyone about anything, and I didn't want to be there for anybody. I just wanted to be with myself. I did feel like a bad friend, because I have been a bad listener during the past two weeks as well. The problem is at that time, I didn't want to listen or talk. Ntahlah, I don't know why.

It was a relief the mid semester break came in between that time because I met with family.  Family always heals me emotionally (well not all the time *shrugs*). And although I caught fever AGAIN for the third time in a month duration, I feel hmm thankful. No more fever for me please, I've been trying to take good care of my health by leading a healthy lifestyle these days. I try not to eat too much fast food, I eat my veggies and I go jogging with my family every weekend. I hope this is helping me in a way.

And now I'm back to life. Today, I talked with my housemates catching up with the latest stuffs and issues. Most of the parts I only listened to their stories/problems and tried to offer some good advice. So you know, basically my day today, apart from classes, was filled with conversations. Some were deep and some were random. And apparently not a single fuck was given work was done. You should know that after the mid semester break, work piles up as if tomorrow would be the end of the world. 

So I'm not really happy about it. 

But I am, anyway, because I realized that I miss my friends. Talking with them brightened my mood. And that's why I forgot about work ha!

Aaaaaaaaaaaaa it's already 1a.m D: *sighs* There goes my sleep for this week.

Regret?

I SHOULD HAVE ASKED FOR A BOOK FROM DAD FOR MY BIRTHDAY LAST MONTH!

T^T

Novelis

Masih belum terasa mamahan waktu yang tidak pernah tidak cemburu terhadap manusia. Tatkala berbaring di ruang kamar, membenamkan diri dengan senaskhah novel yang berat initipatinya, yang isinya berkisarkan kehidupan seorang wanita moden yang sudah lebih separuh abad usianya, mencuba menganalisa di mana kesilapan dalam membuat perhitungan penting dalam hidup sehingga anak bujang tunggalnya tergamak melakukan jenayah juvana yang tak mungkin dimaafkan. Aku jadi terfikir; kenapa perlu memperbesar sesuatu yang pada akarnya tidak seharusnya diperbesarkan? Apalah salahnya menjalani kehidupan yang normal, yang tidak perlu terlalu dramatik tetapi tidak terlalu hambar? Mengapa harus mengukir laluan yang sukar sedangkan kau ada pilihan untuk melalui laluan yang sama namun dengan lebih mudah?

Lalu satu suara jauh di sudut minda aku mula mengetuk benak fikiran. Perlahan-lahan dia keluar, cuba untuk memberi hujah bertentangan, cuba untuk meneutralkan satu sisi pendapatku yang jelas skeptikal agar pandanganku kembali neutral. 

Hidup ini seperti sup. Ada pelbagai rencah dan rempah yang harus ditambah sebelum sup itu dapat dinikmati dengan seenaknya. Kalau hendak dibandingkan sup aku dengan sup orang lain, mungkin sup aku termasuk dalam kategori "yang biasa-biasa" sahaja. Mungkin sup orang lain yang ada banyak jenis rencah dan ramuan tambahan itu lebih sedap rasanya. Tapi bagi aku "yang biasa-biasa" inilah keindahan. Sup aku mungkin kurang pada orang lain, tetapi Ani Sup Utara memang enak bagi aku. Dan itu rahsia yang ingin aku cari tahu.

The Story of Pipuk: Beginning

Tajuk tu over sangat, I know. Who cares, that's not the point now right?

I woke up early in the morning today expecting for a 'package' to arrive. You don't know how excited I was about this last night that it somehow got into my dreams. 

At about 8.15 a.m Zue came. She didn't have to knock the door or give salaam 3 times, I was already waiting there at the door - anxiously like a child waiting for Santa.

And there it was, the most beautiful and adorable thing I ever saw in this whole wide world, my baby Pipuk. 

Although I seem to be the only person in the family being excited about my baby Pipuk, so far everyone has been cooperating well. Mom keeps threatening to send Pipuk away if I can't take good care of her/him (I still don't know it's gender yet), and I think that's very mean of her. Coming from a mom, that IS mean. I WILL take good care of Pipuk and that has been a promise to myself ever since Pipuk was only an imaginary cat. You'll see mom, you'll see.

Day 1, I must say, has been quite a day indeed. I over-fed it, and it keeps pooping now and then. So I have to keep cleaning it up and wiping it's feet because it keeps stepping on its own poop -___-"

It's still afraid of people, so I have to put it in a cage. Zue provided me with some cat milk for kittens. 

I feel sorry for it because I have to leave it in the cage outside (because mom can't stand it's stink when it poops), and it's dark and cold outside, and it must be feeling lonely D:! Poor Pipuk I think it's time I go check out on it bubui.

Short

Going online from my brother's lappy and using his broadband. Currently away from home, celebrating hari raya haji with the rest of the family. And currently expecting my cousin's homecoming. We're in Pahang!

Happy Eid people.

Being random

I randomly found this picture on Facebook and I thought it was cute. 

I woke up from an unethical late evening nap and was asked by my roommate if I wanted to join them for a movie that night, which was earlier tonight. Critical questions like that should never be asked to someone who only just woke up from an unethical sleep. NEVER.

I went anyway, and gladly that was the most relevant decision of the day. 

Silent Onomatopoeia

I hate promoting things that I do because they always jinx me in a negative kind of way. But I want you to go read some proper things written by me instead of all the craps and rants over here in this blog. Silent Onomatopoeia is where I pour out all my inspirations and ideas plus my sketchy writing ability that I am so much trying to improve.

***

I wonder what would happen to Ted once John passes away? He's a teddy bear and he won't die unless somebody destroys him. I really hoped that the movie had just ended where it was supposed to end. Ha.

***

I found this amazing book about manga. What made it even amazing was that when I opened the book on a random page, I opened on a page that had my favourite film on it. I took that as a sign, or something. 

I still don't feel like having long deep conversations with anybody.

What I would love to have now

To be quiet. 

To only talk within the walls of my own mind.

To do things uninterrupted.

To be alone.

Sipping hot Milo or Nescafe.

While drawing and colouring into my beloved sketchbook.

And listening to my favourite music by Beethoven

Or Bach or Joe Hisaishi's Studio Ghibli soudtracks.

Or Kyle Landry this one amazing Youtube pianist I discovered

Or perhaps some cinematic orchestral if I wanted to be a little bit dramatic.

And to be oblivious to the petty problems of other human being.

Random

These are my portfolio for the 1citizen thingy I attended two weeks ago. One is the dark version while one is the light version. I am influenced by too much games I think. 

Which one do you prefer?

Actually I just needed a reason to post something. Tonight I feel so poetic. You know what happens when I'm extra poetic. I can't stop writing. My hands itch. It's 1 a.m and I feel like doodling something. The best thing about all this is that I have class early in the morning tomorrow. I'm supposed to be in bed, snoring. I'm supposed to be tired. 

OH! Two days ago was my birthday. I am extra blessed this year because a lot of people love me. I am grateful for my friends, my family, my health, my extra motivation and much much more. I have all the reason to be grateful you know, because I got everything that I wished for this year. 

I got FT Island's latest album (!)

Book 4 from the Inheritance Cycle

New colour pencils

Japanese food

I finished playing the Ace Attorney series

My drawing skills have improved

There's so many that listing it down would be unfair for this post. And I'm not only talking about the things I got for my birthday.

***

Dad offered to buy me something for my birthday, and I only wanted a box of pencil colours to satisfy my hunger for art. 

"This is it? Just this?"

"Yes, this. Seriously."

So I got my pencil colours and I was happy. 

"Okay, you can choose another one."

He added, grinning as if it was supposed to surprise me or something.

I hate having to make decisions when I don't want to. 

"Just choose something. It's not all the time dad buys you presents."

Mom said to me. Yes, but I don't need anything at the moment.

So I just went and bought a pair of skinny jeans which was on 50% discount.

***

I don't know if age does that to people, or was it just my mood swing.

Once upon a time...

"You just have to work a little harder."

This semester we have this Creative Writing subject, where we not only learn about writing essays, but also poems and other stuff. So far along this semester, I admit this subject is my second favourite. Because so far even though this subject seems to be the only subject with so many assignments, but all of them wants me to write or create something. Which is something I love doing.

I don't have the number one favourite subject yet, but basically that's it. I grade my favouritism according to how enthusiastic I feel while in class and out of it. Even though everybody else loves our lecturer for this subject because he's kind and very open to us, and even though I have nothing against him, he doesn't make me feel the enthusiasm while listening to his lectures. He's not boring, he's funny too, but I don't know. Maybe it's just me being boring. 

So our latest assignment was to create our very own fable using 4 animals that rarely appear in one and 1 magical object. I assume you all know what a fable is, because if you don't well Sang Kancil & Sang buaya is a fable. Sang Kura-kura & Sang arnab is a fable. Peter Rabbit is also a fable. Do you get the idea now?

My groupmates and I we chose a moose, a Tasmanian devil, a woodpecker and a ferret to star in the fable. The magical object was a unicorn horn. The title of our fable is The Lord of The Unicorn Horn, ha. Sounds interesting right? Yes it is.

My task was to illustrate all the characters in our fable, which is a task I gladly accepted. Now let me introduce them to you.

Mooz the moose, obviously.

Strong and brave, he's the main character of our story.

Woodina the woodpecker.

Mooz's bestfriend. the sub-character.

I think she's pretty self-conscious about her appearance.

I made up that trait by myself :p

Yoda the ferret hahaha Yoda.

He's the wise old ferret who all the animals in the animal kingdom turn to.

Apparently he's the reason for the adventure in our story. 

Lord Devil the evil Tasmanian Devil.

Yup, he's the bad ass bad guy and my favourite character.

That thing he's holding, that's our unicorn horn. It's magical. It can take people to the moon.

Basically, our story's about the heroes (Mooz and Woodina) trying to to look for the magical unicorn horn that the evil Lord Devil has kept hidden for so many years in order to fulfill old man Yoda's ultimate wish; to visit the moon. I feel so proud of us four (my groupmates and I) because we sound like some very creative writers with a bright future lulz. 

I would put up the fable soon when we have the proper story line on my other blog Silent Onomatopeia. As for now, characters are owned by Tiqu, Apek, Luluhana and Subo, while art and illustrations are mine mine mine mine.

Other than that, I also wrote a 200-word flash fiction inspired from Sum 41's song With Me. I am happy to tell you that this is also one of my assignments for Creative Writing subject. Yeay? Yeay!

Lets talk about cats

"One day, you'll be mine and I'll be the best you'll ever have."

I don't really know if I'm a cat lover because I don't have my own cats to prove that. But I'm particularly yearning for one since like, a few years now. And I have an imaginary cat that I call Pipuk since the end of last year, which I hope will be one of mine in time, soon. 

Actually other than Pipuk there's Pixel and Kuro. They're all my future cats muhahaha I know I'm crazy. 

I don't use to want to own cats because my mom thinks they're smelly and they poop everywhere, so her ideology was brought down to me in a way. However, my love towards cute snugly things have somewhat changed my perception on that as I grow up. Perhaps I can do something with the 'pooping everywhere' part, but I'll work hard I promise.

What really made me want to have a cat of my own was when a little kitten that I was particularly fond of - which was not even mine - died. I still remembered his messy fur and his big blue eyes. His name was Comot. Among his other siblings he was the naughtiest & the most hyperactive one. Comot belonged to someone who eventually is no longer present in my life right now, and he, as I can remember, was a cat lover. So there were so many cats in his house and I somehow became attached to Comot as I visited one day and played with him. I fell in love with his playfulness and his cute little face.

The day that person brought to me news about Comot's death, I can't believe how sad I felt that I became immediately speechless. We were both in the car that night, and I surprised myself by breaking down into tears upon receiving the news. I was actually quite shocked at that time because I don't find myself to be that soft. Perhaps that night I was just sensitive and fragile, or maybe because love really makes you cry. But anyway, I was absolutely sad. 

So lets just hope my Pipuk will come soon, and lets hope I can protect him and be the best owner to him one day hihi. 

On a slightly unrelated note, I am hungry. I'm supposed to be on a diet because last week I ate too much unhealthy things. I don't know why I'm suddenly paranoid about my health, but that's what it is. I should really prevent myself from collecting too much cholesterol. But I'm hungry :(

Let's talk about food

I've never seriously talked about food before in my blog, so today I'll make a special post about the lunch I had today. It was super delicious I feel like sharing with everyone! 

Chinese cuisine is the second in my list after Japanese food, and today my parents took us to this Chinese Muslim restaurant in section 15 Shah Alam; Mohd Chan. It was a rainy evening and we just got back from sports-shoe-hunting at Sunway Pyramid, so I was the hungriest girl in the world, not to mention tired as well. 

I ordered this dish: Mee Wantan BBQ Ayam with a glass of iced Ribena. 

It came with cili jeruk which made the dish taste even better! 

The price here is not bad. I can say it's normal for Lembah Klang area; not really a cheap kind of cheap but you can't say it's that expensive either. My dish costed RM5.50 + the ribena RM3 = RM8.50. I say it's worth it for a scrumptious meal like this one.

You can also order lauk ala carte such as ikan siakap stim, udang goreng tepung, buttered prawns and all here to be eaten with nasi putih. I was excited with the appearance of all the food in the pictures in the menu that I felt like ordering everything (remember I was the hungriest girl in the world at that time).

Other than mee wantan, maybe try the Nasi Goreng Thai. My mother ordered that and she said it tasted good. There's the usual prawn in it with loads of bawang+serai+cili api scattered all over the nasi goreng. I didn't get the chance to have a taste of it though because I was too busy devouring into my wantan mee :3

I have nothing else to say. Just go and try for yourself and believe me. I would love to go there again some other time to try something else from the colourful menu :3 Happy eating. Don't forget to be grateful to Allah!

Symphony

Listen to this

The tune of my bliss

And even in sorrow

The glare of your shadow

Fret I shall not

For our story have rot

To the past I have sent

All my secrets a shrine

As these songs represent

My heart’s triumph and shine

Far you shall go

Let the north wind blow

My scars and my pain

No longer in chain

And be you my past

Like the hollow ghouls’ cast

A deep forgotten treasure

No longer a pleasure

It will fade somehow

Blood

red, vile

running, dripping, hurting

pain, scar, umbrella, pearl

falling, soaking, seeping

cold, wet

Rain

To let you go

To take the final blow

Across the plains of sand

This love story shall end

Beneath the dark blue sky

A glimpse of stars up high

And in the winter snow

Deep within your shadow

The songs of my heart

Will each play their part

As the footsteps fade

Let death do its trade

"Do I not deserve to be loved?"

"By any chance, does it even matter?"

"It does. To me, it absolutely does."

"How depressing."

Foodanista

I slept like a baby today, I guess. Not so, because I caught fever again. Twice in two weeks, how weak can I get! The doctor I went to last week said that if you frequently catch fever that means you lack vitamin C. So I'm planning on buying myself some vitamins to see if it works. If I told this to my dad, I know he'll say "Eat your vegetables. Veggies contain more vitamins then you'll ever need. You don't need to go buy vitamins if you eat your veggies." Ugh such a spoil sport, dad -_______-" !

On a different note, I'm writing again in my Silent Onomatopoeia blog. It's some old project of mine that stopped halfway because, well you know, because I'm me. But I have more resources now and I have been writing more short stories nowadays so I think I can keep that blog going again. Hopefully. 

I can't wait to eat sushi. I'm so hungry right now I just want loadsa food. 

Parapluies

Awesome artist is awesome

This song. And this image taken from this link here  http://serena-kenobi.deviantart.com/art/Snape-and-Lily-Always-243500370

Just makes me wanna cry.

The Wooden Door

I am inspired.

I looked at that half-open door for some thirty minutes now, as if hoping for an answer to come walking in. My eyes strained from the sudden intrusion of light. I could just go and shut it myself, but my mind was too occupied I think. I sat there at the corner of the supposedly dark empty room, staring towards the white coloured wooden door, and the  narrow streak of light creeping in. 

9 months it had been since light last came through that door. I remembered I locked it. When I last closed that door I swore I hid the key somewhere in the room. I cannot entirely remember. Now that I've come to think of it, perhaps I threw it away. 

Many had knocked along the duration. I have lost count, but I remember so many annoying knocks on that piece of wood. There was one period when I had almost decided to wall up that door so every one would leave me alone. Some of them called out for me, and I answered kindly from within, because in return of my kindness I'd hope they would leave me be in peace. Sometimes I even lost my temper and chased them away. Most of the times I just ignore them.

Despite all that, I kept my distance from the door. Sometimes I think it was because all that. But it doesn't matter now, as I have lived 9 months in the darkness of the little room. I was becoming peaceful. I was feeling comfortable. If I was a foetus, most probably this would be the right time to leave the room. But I am not a foetus, and this is not a womb. I am sure of that. 

Until that door slowly creaked open. 

If I was a foetus this would be the right time to go see the world. 9 months that door stood still and solemn at that other corner of the room, hauling away intruders and strangers. What a strong wooden door. But now I sit staring at the light, feeling a little fragile and afraid, knowing somebody is out there standing at the other side of this small, dark little world of mine. Someone who had managed to somehow break open the door. 

I am afraid. I feel my security draining away from me, but I am curious. I want to know why that door broke open. I want to know who did it. I want to know how. But I am afraid. 

I peered out and someone was standing outside. A person. A man. He stood there smiling, but he just stood there. And I stared at him, not daring to leave my little corner.

A pain in the neck

Get it? Neck = throat. Right?

Hey, I like you. But I can't tell it to your face because iShy. And you'll think I'm crazy. Because I am. And I'm a psychopath who eats cute people like you :p

Shut up. I'm actually sick. I rarely suffer from ulcer, but right now I'm suffering from one that's decided to reside in my throat. It's super painful I can't even swallow my own saliva without a little bit of effort. I haven't been eating properly for three days now :(

Right now I'm waiting for 1 a.m because I need to take my medicine. Mum wants me to take my medication on time because usually I don't. So here I am, super sleepy with nothing useful to do, therefore I blog. And my roommate is doing her laundry in the middle of the night. 

Lalalala I don't know what else to say. 

Oh 'mars'? It can be anything. It can be a chocolate bar, which is also one of my favourite. It could also mean the planet Mars, because men come from Mars. It can also be an acronym of somebody's name ahem. Ahem. 

3 more minutes. Lalala~

Hopeless

"So close to reaching that famous happy end

Almost believing this one's not pretend

And now you're beside me and look how far we've come

So far, we are, so close..."

:p

The religion of peace

I don't have a lot of say in issues like these. I'm not an extremist and my knowledge of my own religion is still inadequate to be talking so much about it. But at least I know what is right and what is wrong. 

A person insulted the prophet Muhammad pbuh and Allah in his facebook status, and apparently it got viral when another person shared it. And then this person apologized. He also said that he didn't put up a status like that, and that he was hacked (or most probably hi-jacked) by somebody else. 

There are two possibilities in this; that the person was truly sorry for his act and in order to cover up his mistake, he lied. OR that the person was truly hacked (or hi-jacked) but he still apologized because he had been horribly bashed by the Muslim community. 

But in the end, you wanna know what happened? These so-called 'Fisabilillah' people who were angered by the degrading insult done by this person, had tracked down the address of  this person, went to his house, broken in, stole some stuffs and destroyed his prayer altar (berhala). 

If you call this Jihad, I don't get this really. I was angry when I first read the insulting status. Which Muslim wouldn't when you read something so horrible being said about your prophet & God? I didn't say or do anything, because there was no point in arguing through the internet anyway. But when I found out that the person had apologized and claimed he had been hi-jacked, I forgave him. Who am I to keep grudges towards people I don't even know? Even Allah forgives his creations! Even the prophet Muhammad forgives his ummat! 

I am sad. Did this person do something to your family that you had to go and tear down his home? What did his family do wrong to you? Was it his mother's fault he decided to put up a status like that IF he really did put it up! You get super angry when the other religion say that Islam is a religion of violence, but then you go and justify their claim by showing more violence; by tearing down their home and destroying their prayer altar! You people are terrorists. Muslims aren't terrorists, but you lost people are. 

I am sad and ashamed. I feel like I don't want to live in this cruel world anymore, run away to another peaceful place where I can live happily with the other peaceful people. This isn't what Allah told us to do. Our prophet got strangled while he was performing solat but he didn't fight back. True, you have to protect Islam no matter what, but there is a proper way to that. Do not give more reason for the people out there to insult Islam even more.

And if that person was really hi-jacked, then I hope Mr hi-jacker is happy with what he has done to the poor person who might end up being jailed for something he didn't do. 

May Allah forgive us.

R & J

"I'm Romeo. What's your name?"

"Juliet."

"A pretty name for a pretty lady."

"Oh? Are we speaking Shakespeare now?"

He laughed.

"No, of course."

He didn't let her interrupt.

"This is such a wonderful coincidence."

"No it's not. Just because you're Romeo doesn't make us star-crossed lovers."

"Of course."

"And I'm not interested in you."

"I understand."

"I don't want to end up in a tragic death. I might as well avoid it now, aye?"

"True."

They stood there, staring towards each other for a moment.

"Is it too much if I ask to be accepted as your friend instead?"

"What difference would that make?"

"Well, we won't be lovers. We won't end up dying tragically. And no one's going to stop us being friends."

"Perhaps."

"So?"

"Okay. But not more than that."

"Fine."

"Good."

And he smiled. She smiled.

Peduli

Hawa, update blog awak sekarang please.

Zulaikha, update blog awak sekarang jugak.

Sibuk suruh aku update blog, diorang ni dah berapa abad tak update blog sendiri. Aku bosan. Kalau mengadu bosan dekat twitter karang kena bash, kena cop "attention seeker". Dah aku bosan takde kerja, aku spam lah timeline semua orang kan muahahaha. Tak suruh korang cakap/komen apa-apa pun. 

Nak balik rumah. Ya kali ni aku nak complain sikit. Semua aktiviti nak sumbat dalam dua weekend berturut-turut ni tak awesome tau? Nak balik jumpa keluarga, makan sedap-sedap tanpa keluar duit, tidur atas katil empuk. Penuh aura negatif sekarang ni. Tolonglah jangan ada siapa-siapa rosakkan mood saya.



"You know what's not fair?"

"What?"

"When you give your all to try make the people you care happy."

"What's unfair about that?"

"Oh, when they don't even give a f*ck about it when you're the one in the dumps."

A few seats away

It's hard to resist something that's only a sight-distant away from you. Because you know it's there. It's close by. You just got to grab it. 

I can't believe mere words could trigger something so powerful. Well, maybe there were other factors, but it was those words. I'm sure of it. And it wasn't even't significant. It wasn't even meant for me. So funny. 

I should do something about myself. 

Doodles and Blobs

I can't believe how unfortunate I am. I lost two of my earphones in one year. I can't even take care of an earphone, what more a person! My earphone dis-functioned. Basically, I'm sad and quite depressed. Yes I do get depressed when I don't know what else to do with my life. Especially at times like these, when I need a song or two to accompany me. When I say at times like these, I meant at this time that I have no stressful work to finish within a strict due date. Without an earphone, I can't even finish watching season 1 of Suits! *heavy sigh*

Anyway, I have KI this weekend. Despite the fact that I'm quite reluctant because I can't go back home, I'm not gonna complain. I've been going to KI for 4 semesters now, and it's not like I died every time *roll eyes*. I've had enough of people complaining this and that this whole two weeks non-stop. I don't think you'll get anything by whining continuously by not doing anything to make it better for yourself. You don't have any choice anyway.

Doodles and Blobs. Hiks

At The Time

"Don't fall for me." you said. I took that seriously, because I was sure about my feelings, and you were particularly not my type - at the time.

And we met everyday at that rooftop overlooking the city, you and your guitar, and we did a lot of duets. And we talked all day, non-stop about our favorite music. I still remember how you sneered at me for listening to FT Island, a Korean music band. You labeled me a 'K-Fag' I remember. I thought your Matchbox 20 and All American Rejects weren't any better. At least we both agreed that Two Steps From Hell and Hans Zimmer are legendary. 

"I like guys who play violins." I specified. "And cello." I added. You grinned. We laughed. I wasn't joking, you know. I was telling you the truth - at the time.

Three months, was it? It didn't seem so long, but it felt like years. During that time I thought I learned so much about you and your life. But then you changed. The way you stare when I sang along to Only One by Yellow Card that one evening, and the tone in your voice when we talked, honestly it freaked me out. You didn't smile even one bit, and dryly laughed to my awkward jokes. 

And then you picked up your guitar again - something you have never done before after we finished our duets - and you started strumming. And you sang. 

Then I see your face

I know I'm finally yours

I find everything

I thought I lost before

You'd call my name

I come to you in pieces

So you can make me whole

So you can make me whole...

And you, somehow, broke into tears. You dropped your guitar and broke down, completely torn apart by some pain inside of you. I was scared and maybe I panicked a little, so I went to you and tried to calm you down. I wrapped my little arms around you, trying to give you what I thought was a little comfort. And then you hugged me back tightly, as if you didn't want to let me go. I was still surprised, I didn't know what I felt - at the time.

"I'm sorry about yesterday." You said the next day we met at that rooftop of ours. Your eyes were red, and they were swollen. I was guessing you couldn't sleep. The rooftop suddenly felt a little colder than usual that day. 

"I'm such a pathetic guy. I shouldn't have broke down like that." you continued with a nervous laughter that sounded completely fake. I forced out a little smile myself, just to assure you that I was okay. 

"It's okay," I said. "You're human after all." 

We didn't do any duets that evening. You didn't even take out your guitar from it's bag. We just talked, and talked, and that was when I realized how so many things have actually changed since the first time I met you. My feelings would be one of them. I can bet my life on it that yours had too. At least that was what I thought - at the time. 

You took me to your studio one day, and sat behind your piano and gazed at me. There were a lot of other instruments, and I thought it was cool. 

"I don't know how to play a violin, or a cello, but I can play you this." you said before your fingers started dancing on the black and white keys of the piano. I sat there beside you and listened to the beautiful melody. That was the moment I actually realized the painful truth that I should have expected all along.

...my heart shouts "let her go, let her go"

but it doesn't listen and tells me that

it can't let her go even if I die

My heart pulls me back and says "forget her, forget her"

but it's foolishly stubborn and says that it can't...

If there is an after life, I hope we can love then

Oh I pray and hope for that everyday - goodbye my love...

And you broke down again. 

"This freaking hurts. I don't know why I'm imagining you're still here by my side even though I know you're not! This freaking hurts!" you said, crying. I felt a throbbing pain in my chest.

"Why did you leave me? Why did you go if you wanted to haunt my freaking life?! I never should have let myself into this. I told you not to fall for me!" 

That truly hurt me, you know. I couldn't say a thing, probably because of the realization that finally crept into me. Of course, I died a month ago. 

"I know I should have told you this when you were still alive, but fuck all that. I love you Carla. I...I really love you." 

Maybe if I was still alive, I would have cried buckets. But if I was still alive, we would have been happily ever after. I just sat there, emotionless, unknowing of what to say.

"I know you'd laugh at me for saying this, but I think FT Island is cool after all, despite all the pretty faces. I take back all those things I said about you being a K-Fag and all. I know it annoys you, but you're pretty when you're annoyed."

At that time, all I felt was an uncomfortable pain inside my chest, and a throbbing sensation inside my eyes. 

"I can't go on like this any longer. I can't live properly. Everything suddenly becomes all about you. I have to stop going back to the rooftop. I'm going somewhere far for awhile, to clear my messed up head."

At that time, everything felt like it was moving in slow motion.

"Shit, this freaking hurts. I...I think I have to let you go, Carla, wherever you are. Maybe we'll meet again someday, in another life. Goodbye."  

At that time, everything faded into nothingness.

When I need love...

I hold out my hands and I touch love

I never knew there was so much love

Keeping me warm night and day...

We all wish this would never end

Arabian Masquerade Night, baby.