I don't wanna say so long

Dammit I'm sure gonna miss this. And yes I listen to that song every time I feel like a horrible lump of mess because...well because every day's supposed to be darn beautiful.

Sayonara :')

It's a beautiful day...

Since practicum life started, I have become practically a frog. Under a coconut shell. I come home at about 7pm everyday and at night I have to do lesson plans and prepare for teaching the next day. I don't even have time to do things that make myself happy. Sometimes, when I'm just too tired to bother, I completely ignore lesson plans and go to class like a boss. I simply make up lessons along the way, go to class and teach, and write lesson plans later ha ha.

I have deactivated my Facebook account for some reasons. Mainly because I don't see the relevance of it anymore now that there's Twitter and Google+ and Whatsapp and LINE (yes I have an Android smartphone now, finally). I think, although this blog has served as my very loyal listener all this while, I want to delete this blog as well. I have run out of useful things to write about. Plus all the things I write about don't even benefit anybody but myself, might as well just write down a journal (dang I forgot to update my reflective journal for practicum).

So before we say goodbye, I dedicate this song to everybody. Enjoy!

Worrywart

Trying out digital drawing and colouring.

Apparently, without a wacom tablet, it's such a burdensome task.

I wish I could afford one.

First day of real teaching was tiring. 

But it should have been fun if I could stop blaming myself

for my incompetency and lack of skills.

In the end, everything needs more and more practice.

Nothing comes to you like rain.

Even rain is scarce nowadays

White lie

I've not been inspired lately. I can only manage to finish this drawing and I was only trying out a different kind of drawing style. The rest of them are left as sketches. I can't even finish writing my short stories. All of them are left as drafts. As much as I don't want to blame practicum, I guess it really does have an effect on me. Other than that I'm just being almighty lazy.

One of my students saw my drawing in my planner and asked me why I didn't become a cikgu seni instead, and it left me fumbling for answers. The problem is that firstly, I don't want to be a teacher. Secondly, I'm not really an expert artist to be teaching art to other people. 

In the end I just told them I have more passion in English rather than art - which is obviously a lie; I have passion in both, it's just that I dislike teaching. For now.

Teacher

I can't believe I'm teaching English to nearly 40 students in a single classroom now.

And I have 3 classes to teach, you total that.

I used to be the quietest (almost) student in class. 

I need your prayers and a bundle of luck and patience.

Jar of Secrets #1

She was folding strips of colourful papers on her desk. She was doing it attentively, one by one, slowly. The results were a jar of colourful mini star-shaped origami. The jar was only half full and she was still folding more. 

Mars walked into the room and glanced at the girl with interest. 

"What are you doing?" he asked.

"I'm folding stars." she replied. The girl; her name was Luna.

"Is it for someone?" he continued. She shook her head slowly, eyes fixed on the red coloured paper.

"It's mine."

Mars pulled a chair and sat next to her at the table.

"Can I help?” he asked earnestly. His eyes sparkled as he flashed a little smile.

“No. If you want to you need to find another jar.” She said simply. She was too immersed in her work that her tone sounded quite severe and unkindly. Fortunately, he was not taken aback.

“Why? I just want to help you.”

“You don’t understand,” she sighed. “You have to know what I feel if you want to help me fold my little secrets.”

Mars understood now. She was making a jar of secrets. HER jar of secrets. The little stars represent everything that she felt; her stories, her laughter and her sadness, the part of her that she does not tell anybody. All the colours should represent different things.

“What does red stand for?” he asked.

Her stare penetrated through the red strip that she was folding in her hands as she answered “Complicated heart things.”

Strength discovery

Puas hati aku. Dah berapa lama pendam impian nak hiking. Sebab kononnya bayangan hiking dalam kepala ialah jalan-jalan dalam hutan panjat bukit jalan tak curam sangat tak landai sangat. Sekali hambik kau. Dah rasa macam Lara Croft dalam Tomb Raider Reborn. Aku salute betul wanita yang selalu pergi hiking panjat gunung tinggi-tinggi. Ni baru Bukit Tabur dah muntah hijau segala, belum Gunung Nuang ke apa ke. 

Nasib baik lah dua orang tukang bawak sangat penyabar dan bertanggungjawab. Layan segala bebelan rungutan keluh kesah aku sepanjang berapa kilometer perjalanan naik turun puncak tertinggi. Bila aku nampak letih sikit diorang push aku bagi kata-kata semangat (tak lupa juga psycho aku dengan segala macam cara). Tapi itulah gunanya teamwork, kan? Yang kuat bantu yang lemah, yang lemah cuba untuk jadi kuat. Dah tentulah aku bukan yang lemah tu wahaha. Aku kuat okay. Tak caya tanya diorang :p

Tapi kasihan mereka sebab kalau aku takde mesti sekelip mata dah naik turun balik dah hahaha.

Aku takkan tolak kalau ada orang nak ajak aku pergi hiking lagi (muntah hijau pun aku tak peduli hahaha). 

Tapi kalau boleh, jommaaaa main paintball!